#On a different note I hope they drop a better quality version very soon I can't work with this...

[kyouka-supremacy]

Paying more attention to the words now and like. does that mean Akutagawa gives the chocolate on valentine's day and Atsushi on white day. No you have to understand that's an extremely important piece of information that is fundamental to get their characterization no wait don't leave I need to kno—

[maxwell-grant]

OK, I know this will probably be painful, and I may be a bad mutual for asking but...would you be willing to identify what, in your opinion are the bottom five worst Shadow adaptations, and give a detailed breakdown of why they were so lousy?

Oh christ, okay. I don't think you're gonna get as much of a detailed breakdown for these compared to some of the others, because I take more issue with adaptations that do have good qualities but also big or deep problems to talk about.

For example, I can't include Garth Ennis's Shadow in this list because the comic has a lot of strong points to it, despite a deeply, deeply detestable take on The Shadow's character, where as the rest of the Dynamite run doesn't reach neither the lows or highs of his run. Likewise, Andy Helfer's run has a couple or a couple dozen moments every issue that make me want to tear something to shreds in frustration, but it's also at many points a really good comic with great art and some occasionally very inspired writing. Really, I'd just be repeating myself talking about what I hate in those.

But, fine, let's list some of the others.

I think I'm just gonna have to get the elephant in the room out of the way here, and address that I won't be including Si Spurrier's 2017 Dynamite mini in this list, and I think at least some of you might be angry it's not Number 1 by default. I'm doing this because I intend to one day really revisit it, think about it and it's reception and what it was trying to do, and talk about it on it's own, now that it's been 5 years and everyone has moved on and we can maybe talk about it without kneejerk hatred driving everyone nuts (your mileage may vary on how warranted it was).

I'm also not going to be talking about James Patterson's new novel, because I haven't read it. It seems to be considered a forgettable potboiler by mainstream critics and a resounding failure by everyone who likes the character whether they've read the book or not, and frankly I don't have it in me to learn what the fuzz was about anytime soon, I got my hands way too full as is.

And I won't be including the Batman x Shadow crossovers here, because again, they do have a lot of virtues that put them far ahead of some of the really worst Shadow media, and I've talked enough about how badly I think they mangled The Shadow, which is really the big problem I have with them (well, that and Tim Sale blatantly copying a Michael Kaluta cover, that was really shitty). I don't really hate them anymore, I just get tired and frustrated thinking about parts of them, I said my piece as is. Really, my frustration over this comic is what inspired me to start writing about The Shadow here, so I guess in a way I do owe it at least that much.

5: Archie Comics's Shadow

I think some of you might be wondering why this isn't ranked higher, but to be honest, I don't actually harbor any hatred towards this. I mean, I have to include it, but I find it kinda silly that some people even today actually care about the existence of this comic enough to hate it.

For fans back then? Oh yeah, obviously, but this dropped to such instantaneous backlash that it never really got to live past 6 issues. Really, everything wrong about it can be understood immediately from the covers, and I've actually read the comic in it's entirety to see if there was anything worth taking. I found only a couple of things of note but, no, this really is just a painfully mediocre superhero comic that happens to have a couple of Shadow names in it. If anything, it gets too much credit.

The actual contents of what it is are never going to justify it's reputation, but the existence of it and the disproportionate response to it is the funniest and most enduring legacy it could ever ask for. This whole comic is The Shadow's version of Spongebob's embarassing Christmas photo.

4: David Liss's The Shadow Now

This is another "The Shadow as an immortal in modern times" comic and I think you may have noticed the pattern with those by now. I may revisit this eventually and I do have some moments from it saved for reference, but overall: It sucks, and it doesn't even suck in a way that lets me talk much about it, it's a diet version of Chaykin's Shadow. If Archie's Shadow is a generic mediocre superhero comic wearing The Shadow's name, this is a generic crime story playing beats from movie. The Shadow is an asshole and not even a grandiose or sinister one, he just feels like a sleazy douche in a costume. The art is a 50/50 coin toss between appropriately moody and "Google images with a filter on them", I don't remember anything about the plot other than Khan had a bomb again and he had a daughter, and there were new versions of the agents and the Harry stand-in turned evil and Lamont shacked up with Margo's descendant which, uh, no. I don't really hate this but I really have nothing nice to say about this comic other than Colton Worley's art is nice sometimes. I can't really muster anything else to say here.

3: Invisible Avenger

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZ...

...uuh, wha-

Yeah, I remember nothing about this one other than it's painfully boring and nothing about it, nothing at all, works in the slightest and I drift off to sleep even now trying to give this a rewatch. To be honest pretty much every other Shadow serial not starred by Victor Jory sucks and I don't really have anything to say about them, this one is just the worst of the lot. I dearly wish there was a good Shadow tv series but, if it was going to be like this pilot? Good riddance.

2: Harlan Ellison's The New York Review of Bird

This isn't really a Shadow story as much as it's a Harlan Ellison story that happens to feature The Shadow, but man am I glad that Ellison's "Dragon Shadows" was canned, because holy shit what a goddamn nightmare Harlan Ellison writing The Shadow for real could have been, going purely by the one time he ever touched the character. New York Review of Bird is a purely farcical parody story that wears real, real thin even before "Uncle Kent" shows up, and we get to see in it what is by far the most detestable and irredeemable take on The Shadow ever put on print, and not even in a critique or deconstructive way or anything that could be remotely worth discussing.

I don't hold any particular affection for Harlan Ellison and his writing (despite liking some of it) and I've come to notice the major red flag that is finding someone who looks up to Harlan Ellison in any capacity as a person, and this story in particular really feels like Ellison aggressively trying to channel his jackass tendencies through every line, just him being nasty because he built a personal brand on being nasty. The only reason this isn't Number One is because it's a very short story that saw zero influence or reputation, and thus it only exists as a brief mention in The Shadow wiki, and a brief mention is all it really calls for.

1: Howard Chaykin's Blood & Judgment

I'm guessing most of you already knew this one was in the top spot before I started writing.

I would actually rather not write a big piece on Blood & Judgment, because I think (or at least I hope) it's influence on The Shadow has waned a lot over the years and I would prefer to draw it the least amount of attention possible, but if I HAVE to talk about this, I guess I'd rather just vomit this out of my circuits now instead of giving it it's own post.

I would prefer to use a less unpleasant image on my blog, but if I'm going to talk about this comic, there's no image to better convey it than this drawing of macho asshole Cranston holding a sexualized mannequin at gunpoint. By leaps and bounds, Blood & Judgment is the most misogynistic Shadow story I've ever read. It's ironic that Chaykin justified the rampant misogyny he gave The Shadow with the idea that this is just a man from the 30s would act like, when he admits in the same breath that he never even touched the stories, and he wrote a story more sexist and demeaning to it's female characters than anything, literally anything, written in the Shadow pulps. It's almost impressive even.

I'll paste some segments from Randy Raynaldo's review

In Flagg, he intended to present his own point of view on American society while keeping his work tongue in cheek and acessible. But this vision dimmed, and Flagg had become a vehicle by which Chaykin could play out fetishes and portray gratuitous and stylish violence.

In The Shadow, stripped of the political and social veneer which was supposed to make Flagg unique, Chaykin's sensibilities and excesses become disturbingly apparent. For all of his liberal posturing, Chaykin's work demonstrates zero difference from the same kind of mentality exploited and made popular by similarly violent popular culture icons like Dirty Harry and Death Wish.

More than half a dozen individuals are indiscriminately and violently murdered in the first issue. Although the victims are characters who played major roles in the myth of The Shadow, we feel little sympathy for them, even for those of us who knew these characters at the outset. Who dies is unimportant, it's how they die that is the fascination.

Chaykin uses sexual decadence as a means by which to establish villains, and undercuts this device by making the protagonists as promiscuous as the villains. For all of Chaykin's seemingly liberal leanings, he demonstrates very little sensitivity in his portrayal of women.

Because everything works on rules of three, this comic also follows the pattern with other works mentioned here, as this isn't Howard Chaykin writing The Shadow: it's The Shadow reimagined as a Howard Chaykin character. He looks and acts exactly like Reuben Flagg and the typical macho protagonist of Chaykin's other works, he's a cynical sleaze with an entirely new origin who half-assedly dons a garb to machine gun people, and I already wrote a separate piece on why the machineguns are kind of emblematic of everything wrong with this take.

I understand that Chaykin has, or used to have, a big following of sorts, and I've tried to wrap my head around this for years, but I genuinely still don't get why Shadow fans stomach this comic unless they happen to be Chaykin fans first and foremost, I really don't. Everything, fucking everything Shadow fans hate about modern depictions of the character can be traced right back to this. The parts that stuck and changed the character for the worse, like him being defined as an immortal, bloodthirsty warmonger who got all his skills and powers from a magic city in Tibet, or Lamont Cranston being a coward who fears and hates the Shadow, or his agents being expendable slaves, stuff that has been ingrained into the mythos through this and the Alec Baldwin movie and other comics, to the point that people now think of it as the norm, that it's the baseline of what The Shadow is, and I hate it, I genuinely fucking hate it,

I hate it so much that it's a big part of the reason why I created this blog and why I want so badly to get to write The Shadow, because I plainly couldn't stand not having ways to tell people that this is all wrong, that this is actively shooting down the character's odds for success, and that they are missing out on something really great, because the well has been tainted with garbage that won't go away and everytime I read the words Shambala in a Shadow comic, even an otherwise good or great one, I get just a wee bit cross.

The only semi-redeeming aspects I can think of for this comic is one or two cool moments, like when The Shadow hijacks a concert using his Devil's Whisper or when he tames dogs with a stare. Just breadcrumbs of "not garbage" amidst an ocean of anything but. I hate that talking about why I hate this comic in-length can almost feel like I'm still enticing people to check it out of curiosity, but if you wanna do that, fine, just know this: The worst part of Blood & Judgment, even if you don't care at all about what it did to The Shadow, is that it's boring.

It is a deeply boring comic. If you like Howard Chaykin to begin with, you'll probably like this okay (although even Chaykin fans told me that this is his weakest work and that even he seems to agree). If you don't, I plain don't see what you could get out of this.

The comic itself is just nothing. It's the comic book equivalent of a pre-schooler trying to get a reaction by swearing. It has nothing whatsoever other than half-assed attempts at shock value. The plot isn't there, the ideas are stale, the dialogue is needlessly oblique and comprised entirely of unfinished sentences, interrupted conversations and one-liners without build-up. The characters are all unlikable and uninteresting stooges with no personality, or joyless cartoons. There's no heart or emotion or logic, and it isn't even funny enough to succeed as just an outrageous exercise in 80s excess. There's nothing in here.

I get "why" it was popular enough at the time, a rising star creator penning a modern revival of an old character based on controversy that pissed off the old fans, it's an old story that still gets repeated today. But manufactured controversy is not a replacement for storytelling and it rarely ever exists to benefit the people who actually want to enjoy the stories, it only benefits those for the crude benefit of those who want to sell you something out of the controversy.

I guess they got their money's worth back then.

------------------------------------------------

Phew, okay, I did it, I finally vomited out a piece on Blood & Judgment and some others, allright, let's put this piece of negativity behind us now.

[tisafinedayforsimping]

July 23rd is Mar's Birthday!

[Click for better quality!]

Her Birthday Interview is under the cut! (Groovy to come within the next week or so!)

Credit to @/thoselethalarts for card background and broom image!

~Pomefiore (Birthday Venue)~

~NRC Newspaper Interview~

🎀 Mar Version 🎀

Yuu: Happy Birthday!

Mar: Ah, thank you!

You think I'd be used to large crowds, but my birthday always takes me by surprise, heh.

Do you not like being the center of attention?

Mar: It depends.

I love performing and playing piano at the Monstro Lounge, but it feels weird when people are focused on me instead of my music.

How long have you been playing the piano?

Mar: That's a tough one... Since I was 5, I think?

My sisters and I all had to take a bunch of different instrument lessons when we were younger, and piano was the one I really clicked with.

Your family sounds very musical!

Mar: Mhm.

My mom's side of the family has been musicians for generations, so it's expected that all five of us would be too.

What hobbies do you have besides the piano?

Mar: I collect seashells and things from the beach!

My shelves back home are FULL of all the things I've found.

I also really like flying. I can't wait to get a broom of my own!

What kinds of gifts have you received?

Mar: It's mostly been little trinkets and candy from the other dorm members, but I got a few that definitely stand out!

Vil-senpai found a set of really pretty ribbons for tying back my hair, Epel gave me some embroidery thread that was made in his hometown, and Jade dropped by earlier with a set of cufflinks shaped like music notes!

Those are some really fun gifts! Did you get anything from your family?

Mar: Not really, but I don't mind.

I'm sure they're busy with recitals and performances!

If anything, there's probably something in the mail for me that won't arrive for a few days.

I hope it arrives soon.

Mar: Me too.

My little sister always finds fun things for everyone's birthday.

Thank you for talking with me. Happy birthday again!

Mar: Of course!

Thanks for the wishes.

See you around!

[o-w-quinlan]

Digimon Adventure 2020, episode 7 reaction (and over-analysis)

Our introduction to one mess of a human boy and an overcompensating seal-thing. Protect them both.

We got our introduction to Jou and he's one over-stressed mess of a human being. We’ve been talking about how much more well-adjusted the children seem this time around, but that is most definitely not the case with Jou. He's constantly talking about needing to be in control of his actions (because he feel he has no control?), talks about being a doctor as an obligation, establishes himself as the oldest as soon as he can, and reacts pretty badly when the camp is mentioned (it's not focused on, but he did go off the rails with the question right after Sora brought that up). Also, apparently he hits first his things and then himself pretty hard when overwhelmed. That's... dark. Even at the end, when he feels confident enough to joke about his exams, he's still talking about needing to be in control. If I'm allowed to over-analyze (and I am), the dude is studying geometry in the dark. It's like he wants to sabotage himself. He's also a bit self-centered, initially only caring about the other children insofar as they can help him get back to the Human World, and refusing to join on the grounds of not knowing if it'll help him (which is actually a valid point, and we'll probably see it later). Of course, part of this is that he feels he won't be of any use. So... yeah, he's a mess. I like it. Interesting choice that the child whose biggest problems in the original was the pressure society put on him is the only one who does not seem better off in the 20-year-later-reboot.

Gomamon himself felt like he was overcompensating when proposing himself as bait. He gave the impression of being ashamed through the entire episode until he and Jou finally talked. He intially seemed like he was ashamed of Jou but then it turns out he's ashamed of himself, presumably because he feels he can't help Jou. Good stuff. Back in OG Adventure, he was the chill one, so while he apparently has the same personality, the focus has changed. I hope we'll get more relaxed stuff from him now that their issues with each other have been solved.

As for how they interact with each other... flashbacks show them getting along extremely well when focusing on other things, but the main action itself had Gomamon trying to convince Jou of joining the group by appealing to his ego (he mentions having an special role) and Jou acting like he's tired of hearing Gomamon talk about it and giving excuses while refusing to address his actual problems. It's only when they're honest with each other that the evolution can actually happen.

So, up to now, it's the most dynamic partnership in the group. Same as before, only very different this time around.

The fight with Gesomon was well made, competing with the Kabuterimon one for my favorite after the first 3 episodes. I also thought the music was used very well during this episode. Just listen to how it drops in volume during the fight, when focusing on Gomamon and Jou behind the rock, and immediately goes up again when refocusing on the fight. Animation is per the standards of the previous 2 episodes, which I find perfectly good.

Other minor notes (because I rewatch these episodes with a notebook next to me):

Mimi and Palmon have relaxed enough to continue their "queen-butler" roleplay. Mimi is apparently familiar with quality tea. No one has any problem with Mimi making herself more comfortable (or luxurious) than the others, and in fact seem charmed. She repeats the advice of her grandfather when applicable. She says what everyone is thinking about Jou ("do we really need him?") but no one else dared to say. The stereotypical European OST they used last episodes is back, apparently to be Mimi's leitmotif.

Sora finally gets some worthwhile characterization, noting how peaceful it is (because it's been nothing but fight for her since arriving) before immediately worrying about whether they're wasting time or not, even after Mimi's advice. I can already see her getting overwhelmed by all the fighting and pressure at some point. Just to clearly differentiate this Sora from the original, she is shown as being very comfortable with showing how much she cares for Piyomon.

Birdramon is perfectly capable of dodging Gesomon's attacks... until Sora falls. Then she gets hit immediately.

Taichi gets more leader stuff. When talking to Jou, Sora is the one who explains the situation and Mimi talks about their mission as something someone else told them to do, while Taichi is the one who explicitely asks Jou to join. Later on, he tries to appeal to Jou by referring to their mission as a responsibility (not an special role like Gomamon had said) and he clearly understands Jou's reasons for refusing, even if he disagrees. He's the one who brings up that they need to do something about Gesomon, and also the one who comes up with the plan. During Gomamon's part of it, he's focused on how successful he is while Mimi is cheering Gomamon on. When Jou shows up, Taichi doesn't question why he's there, just tells him to get Gomamon to safety. Tomioka has talked about getting inspiration from V-Tamer Taichi, and it shows, though I do think this version is a combination of both Manga and Anime Taichi, though more serious than either of them.

More efforts from the writing team to make the partner digimon feel like genuine characters with their own lives. Palmon knows exactly where the ocean is, Gomamon is the one who tells them of Gesomon, the 2 partner digimon look on sympathetically when Gomamon is rejected by Jou, Taichi talks to them as equals during the planning, etc.

During the Human World scene, it was further established that, despite the blackouts, some electrical equipment remained on, this time the TV. Probably because it's complex information and thus part of the "Network", which the antagonists want to keep working.

The evolution sequence was shortened, and Palmon got her own (even if it was clearly just a retool of last episode’s). Poor Piyomon gets shafted once again.

Either the Chosen Digimon were jobbing or that Gesomon is truly top-tier. They did show some great skill and raw power, as well as being excellent at deflecting attacks... so they gets defeated by a homing one. They leaves a smokescreen while running away, like an octopus would.

The partner digimon eat normally, unlike the Tuskmon last episode.

Next week, the reunion of the 6 Chosen Children, Yamato with what may be a cape ala V-Tamer Taichi, Taichi putting on his goggles dramatically once again, the gang seemingly getting in over their heads, and more plot reveals.

[nobody-knose--archive]

well, today i figured i didn’t have anything better to do & liveblogged the pingry ep. it’s probably a better stepping stone further into the tally void than incomplete demos, coming right off of complete demos, at least.

-from what i know this one basically includes all the mmmm songs that weren't on complete demos (andrew singing ones wahoo) & the expected demos that didn't end up anywhere else + just a friend. i also believe this one was recorded similarly to complete demos so i really have no clue what to expect for taken for a ride's vocals. anyway here i go

-the bidding sounds impressively professional to start things off, but i suppose humming isn't a terribly complex technique anyway. the intro feels a little longer th

-whoah there if that aint a marked difference in audio quality here we go

-guitars also sound different & i don't remember if this album has steve or ross on it i now realize

-goodness the mixing is wonky for rob's segment. the backing vocals do not need to bounce between channels

-why do they have kinda weird voices for the chorus. sounds like they're trying an accent or something. i can barely recognize who's singing

-the keyboard backing in zubin's segment sounds the same as usual, as in, it sounds so stupidly similar to the questions answered backing music that i'm offended i couldn't pick up they're the same for so long

-less echo on disappear actually. at least they still had the brass section

-still a weird sound on the chorus but maybe i can chalk that up to different mixing & more red

-outro sounds not super different. still very good drumming on display which will give me the push i need to decide it's ross drumming

-however i don't hear him shouting out the auctioneer stuff, and given that it was presented as a video during the mmmm recording, i might assume it was done specially for the mmmm releases, so maybe he didn't drum for this album after all

-it does have a greater similarity to the live performances even if the keyboarding is using a different synth

-well now. that's a real piano

-and as any piano will be when played that low, it's out of tune. very

-and everyone's singing? i can't hear andy in the slightest. this is interesting

-i mean i can certainly hear him doing plenty on the piano. but. it's interesting

-i suppose given the ep's hallmanac description, as a compilation of acoustic/one-take recordings i shouldn't be surprised taken for a ride is this different. but boy is it jarring. sounds incredibly different without the heavy synthesizing and complementary instruments

-barebones certainly. not much more of a way to describe it. that's what i expected just not in this way. i like the sound of this bridge though

-do very much wish i could hear andrew's actual voice. even at acoustic live performances he would sing at the very least. then again, that was years later i suppose.

-and it's only now at the final chorus that i realize, somehow, this is a piano-only song. no guitar, no drums even. that's really interesting. even the album version had some drums & bass

-red's singing isn't as impressive here. not as many high notes. understandable. bitch

-different rhythm on the quick part! bet steve feels lucky he didn't have to drum this part although i am hearing some sort of. pants-slapping? now that would be a sight to behold irl

-and that's the end

-goodness. be born. considering how this song was always & every time performed acoustic live i really expect to hear nothing here i haven't from concert recordings

-we're missing whatever the hell that skittery little shaker is called. alas i am not a percussionist & do not know the name of every auxilliary instrument ever

-rippin it up on the melodica bay be. a suitable replacement for whistling considering that never was all that good live. nobody can compare to bora karaca at whistling

-there's extra bass harmonies on display here. swell

-also no percussion i'm realizing

-da-da-da!

-but yeah normally ross uses brushes on a box/seat drum (also don't know what that's called!) for some good gentle percussion & it's not here. really hoping this won't be a trend because i'm fond of drumming even if it's from stebev himself

-bah (chorus) bah

-wait a minute that's not a bah! that's a doo! big difference! what are you doing rob

-i can tell it's one-take because rob has to take a breath in the middle of that final long bah there

-ooh dropping off the guitar there real quick are you? and not even doing the full outro too. good way to spice things up at the end.

-honestly maybe the reason i & so many other th fans dislike be born so much isn't even the country sound and weird subject matter, it's the fact that this song lacks a whole lot of the variability that might separate it from other music. in the album versions there are violins/fiddles, and the live versions... don't have that. maybe some halfway decent whistling at best. it just is what it is. especially compared to the rest of mmmm- g&e could often be more faithfully recreated on stage, but mmmm got to mix things up most of the time, except for be born. food for thought

-anyway. of all the songs i would expect to be absolutely completely identical (other than be born) the whole world and you definitely takes the cake. a delightful song. i should listen to it more.

-but yeah it was a toy orchestra piece long before a tally hall piece, and toy orchestra was & is nothing but silly little live performances. how on earth could they make this one completely different

-other than. the "punk rehearsal" i've heard of from incomplete demos. that's just. a thing i think

-oh hold on i didn't even listen to the end of be born there was a tiny outro with chat at the end oh that's adorable

-hey i can hear andrew's voice! nice!

-starting off with a full ensemble vocals, all sorts of harmonies in action, and a normal piano instead of a toy piano, so already i'm being proven decently wrong on this song's inability to be greatly altered

-other than that. i kinda like how it sounds as if they're stumbling over their words at points

-boy has andrew's voice changed hasn't it. i know i haven't listened to the solo albums so i'm not exactly one to speak but he really developed his singing a lot over time

-clapping live & not in a studio sure sounds a lot worse, especially when it's like 4 people max doing it and not a whole crowd

-zubin (i'm pretty sure) flexing on us all at the end there. good for him

-ayyyyyyy

-it's the song that's sure to invoke an emotional response out of me >:}

-it's also the song i was convinced had andrew vocals in the background (the badadum's between verses) for a good while. still not 100% certain it's rob instead but it's not like i can ask them themselves

-yeah i'll admit it right here this is the song i listen to when i'm going through emotional turmoil. not this version of the song, and no, i don't mean i listen to i'm gonna win or even the tally hall rock version of this one. i mean i listen to the cover of it from we think we're playing in a band. and that's enough on this subject!

-however given the above information yeah i am pretty familiar with this song already. not a new experience right here

-i greatly appreciate the heavy piano work. it's one of my favorite parts about the song

-oh and i should stop talking about that subject right there as well. actually i think i should just say nothing about this song in general. you'll see why in about uhh pauses video

-this friday or so? damn that's sooner than i thought lucky me

-everything will be fine! i'll be making it through!

-oh hello there. "ALBUM" is not a word beamed directly into my brain with great volume thank you very much

-so. it's the outro to good day done with weird haste. looping. no actual chord pro-

-this is. is this some sort of radio performance? what the hell is going on

-steven!!! hello there thanks for the confirmation & god is it surreal to hear his name truly uttered in the context of red rob zubin andrew. wow

-pingry school spring fling. how the hell have i never heard about whatever the hell this track is before

-wait- is it over? song listed as good day but it's in fact the outro to good day done on. a radio program maybe. and now it's a really strange sounding performance of yearbook

-i genuinely can't tell if there's a filter on rob's voice or if the micro- shit that's loud

-what in the hell is going on is this another radio performance or something? like ok yearbook at least was on songs about girls by listedblack but i really want this to be made clear soon

-all i really think i need to know about yearbook is that it's another rob "heterophobic homophonic" cantor angsty boy band song and. listening to it for the first time her. that impression sure isn't going away

-at least i get to hear andrew twinkling those ivories in the back. got a good sound. even if the mixing here is all sorts of wack. a song this complex should not be performed live with only like one microphone

-alright rob i get it you were in love with a girl- and it's over? ok

-live performance of just a friend holy shit hell yes hell yes hell yes for some reason i thought this would be the studio version but no

-i cannot imagine what this song will sound like with steve on the drums hell yes oh will there be banter will rob forget his lines will red say some random 4-syllable phrase will zubin be the best singer in the whole damn band give me an answer now

-already hearing some banter :}

-they're moving weirdly fast and andrew's already got the piano playing even in the beatboxing part. wowie

-ooh kick it andy do those riffs hell yeah

-"that sounded fishy... zubin sedghi!" i'm in love

-KICK IT ANDY

-AND ZUBIN

-and there's the drums! go stevie. go stevie

-good ness andrew just will not let up on the sick as hell keyboarding will he fukc yeah bro kill it

-rob sounds unbelievably tired for this i'm half expecting him to trip up the lyrics at any moment

-"i don't buy it" "don't gimmie that!" you say it boys. oh classic zubin line right there preserved on an official tally hall recording for all eternity, what a treasure this is

-hm isn't this a bit early to go into the pseudo-breakdown chorus? no it works. andrew still rippin it up of course

-and there's the tambourine bay be!

-buildup to the "oh snap" isn't as intense as it could get in later performances which i will gladly blame in its entirety on steve <3

-boy oh boy does rob's voice just sound generally different here. so young so so young

-shooby-doo-wah. well i had low expectations which were not quite fulfilled but it's technically more than what we got on the studio recording so. i won't complain

-THERE IT IS

-BARBEQUE SAUCE BAY BE

-what a fool i was to pause the moment he said it. silly old me <3

-no, no, thank you for coming! but hold on one second. is there not... one more track? technically not a song, technically something i think i've heard before, but if i take a step over to the tally archive...

-cell phone call.

-circus you say? if i had to guess it's the whole world & you given the 08 version of the song but that's a vague guess. can't think of anything better but my current answer isn't that good on its own

-ah! it's joey jo joseph. this wouldn't happen to be that phone call spoken of that, like, invited joe into the band in the first place, would it? i remember that story from an old bio or something, but it doesn't seem like the type of thing that'd be recorded & put on an album. hard to say

-pj? like a certain rob cator frat dude voice JP!?

-well well well now. i'm not sure what to say. i don't recognize that song they're playing as the outro. it could either be some vague listedblack or miscellaneous early tally hall song lost to the void or a demo. i wouldn't exactly know. anyway that ends the pingry ep. shorter than i thought it be, lucky old me. hope you enjoyed!

[rumours-spiral]

for five more minutes

part 1- we’re six

note: this is part one of a multi-part series detailing the lives of the queens in their second lives. we’re not really given much information about their reincarnation, or of the ladies in waiting, so my adaptations may differ to yours. i will be updating as regularly as possible. i don’t love this part- it’s mainly just to set the world up, so the chapters should be getting more interesting soon. please feel free to give feedback!

word count: 3373

warnings: there’s a sort of panic attack, but it doesn’t go into much detail. please be safe <3

Catherine of Aragon woke with a gasp.

Her hand flew to her chest, above her heart. It ached faintly.

The room she was in was dark, save for a low-burning candle behind what appeared to be a pillar. She frowned. She didn’t know where she was. She didn’t know how long she had been asleep for. And she didn’t know who the uncovered black mass of hair on the floor (and indeed the head to which it was attached) belonged to. Apprehension flared in her stomach for a moment before she chided herself for being childish, reminding herself of who she was. She cleared her throat.

“Who are you?” The question came out shakier than she had intended, and her voice was gravelly, as though she hadn’t used it in a while. She frowned harder at that, wondering once again how long she had been asleep for.

“Excuse me?” She called out again, and she flinched when the sleeping girl shot up suddenly into a sitting position. Her head snapped towards Catherine, and a beaming smile lit up her face. “My lady!” She breathed, and it was in Spanish, and Catherine had only a minute to consider this response before she was being wrapped in a hug.

“Maria?” She whispered, disbelief colouring her voice. It sounded like Maria, certainly- the accent, the tone, the cadence of her voice. But the woman currently in her arms looked nothing like her. The hair was black and curly where it should have been brunette and straight, and her skin was of a dark brown.

“Yes, yes, my lady, it’s me,” she confirmed as she pulled away from her mistress and stared into her eyes. Catherine stared back and- by God, she found the same gleam of happiness, the same look of adoration. Tears welled in her own eyes and she brought her old friend into a bone crushing hug despite the awkward angle, laughing in something nearing hysteria as she did. “Oh, I’ve missed you, dear Catherine.”

The aforementioned woman’s happiness was dampened at that, and confusion took up its place. She parted from her friend after a moment, and looked down at the raised (was that stone?) platform she was still sitting on. She appeared to be in a chapel. Though it appeared to be dilapidated, the knowledge comforted her slightly.

“Maria, what do you mean?” Maria’s own smile slipped off her face at the question, and a sadness Catherine didn’t like at all welled in her eyes. “Maria? I don’t understand.” She sat up straighter and took the standing girl’s hand. A tear rolled down Maria’s cheek.

“You don’t remember, my lady?” She asked quietly. She sighed at the answer she already knew Catherine would give, and she sat on the same platform as her friend. “You died.”

Catherine stopped breathing at that. And then it all came flooding back too quickly- the weeks of a constant pain in her heart, the friend that sat beside her now rushing into her bedchambers and locking the door. The two days they spent there, and at the end Catherine’s eyes closing for the last time in her arms. Tears she didn’t even know she was crying dripped onto her lap, and she looked up at her lady in waiting again. She opened her mouth to say something, but whatever she was going to say was forgotten immediately at what Maria was wearing. Catherine felt the incredible urge to laugh; Maria was wearing an ill-fitting, black- well, piece of fabric on her torso, and on her legs were trousers.

“What on earth are you wearing?”

---------------------------------

Anne Boleyn woke silently.

Her lips were still moving in the Lord’s Prayer, but no sound came out, and she opened her eyes in confusion when she noticed what she was doing. And that confusion only grew when she took in her surroundings.

The curtains on the other side of the room were merely folds of fabric, minimalistic in material quality and the strangest shade of purple she had ever seen. They appeared to be thin, doing very little to halt the sunlight streaming in. The bed she was in was minimalistic, also- it had no drapes and no supports that reached several feet in the air. Its sheets were thin and plainly coloured, and the pillows beneath her head and the duvet resting on top of her weren’t stuffed with feathers. There were no wooden beams or stone bricks to be seen anywhere, and the walls were light pink, of all colours! There was no fireplace, no table where one could take their breakfast. Only a long desk made of a material that didn’t seem to be wood, a bookcase filled with odd-looking books, and a black rectangle on the wall. Was that to be some type of painting? And where were the candles? How was one to see at night? She frowned and moved to sit up. And she almost passed out.

A white-hot pain lashed across her neck and her entire torso ached, and she fell back to the bed immediately. Tears gathered in her eyes at the pain, and they flowed at the memory of the day that came rushing back- of the sheer blindfold, the rough wood beneath her cheek. She lied there, paralysed by pain and utter confusion. What was going on? Was this heaven?

It wasn’t God who walked through the door, but a woman with mid-length blonde hair. Anne wanted to scramble back, to move, but couldn’t for risk of blacking out. The woman was wearing the strangest clothes she had ever seen, and her hair was uncovered, and Anne’s confusion and fear was building so heavily that she could hardly breathe. 

The woman paused instantly when she saw Anne staring at her. A small, cautious smile spread across her face, but her eyes lit up in a way that Anne would have recognised if she were more stable. She cleared her throat softly, stepping into the room fully and closing the door behind her. “My lady?” she asked.

Anne didn’t want to speak. She was sure it would hurt her throat even more, and she wasn’t even certain if she was still on Earth. The woman seemed to realise her reluctance, as she approached the bed slowly and stopped a couple metres away from its foot. “I’ve waited days for you to wake, Anne,” the blonde continued. She looked as though she wanted to come so much closer, but she stayed a distance from Anne. She found herself grateful.

“I’m Margaret Lee. Maggie.” Anne’s eyes widened even more at that, recognition flooding her face; a heavy distrust replaced it after a second as she took in ‘Maggie’ again. Maggie had brown hair. She had brown eyes. This wasn’t Maggie.

Where was Maggie? Her friend had been with her there on that scaffold, had listened to her final words. Her eyes flicked about the room as if she would find her hiding somewhere, but she didn’t. The woman who claimed to be her stepped forward even slower than she had approached earlier. “Truly, Anne. I received your prayer book,” she said, and she latched onto the hope that sparked in Anne’s eyes. It had been Anne’s final gift to her. She still looked distrustful, however, and Maggie recalled easily the words she had read every night for the rest of her life. She could even recall Anne’s regal handwriting, how she had dotted her I’s and looped her letters.

“’Remember me when you do pray, that hope doth lead from day to day.’”

Tears sprang into Anne’s eyes again at the words, and she opened her mouth as though to speak. She couldn’t bear to, but Maggie saw her own name mouthed and Anne’s hand twitch toward her, and she ran to her lady’s side. She knelt at next to her, reaching a hand to cover hers.

---------------------------------

Jane Seymour woke numb.

She hadn’t realised she was awake, honestly.

The last two weeks of her life had been so hazy and painful, each day melting into the next, and ultimately welding into her own private version of hell. In fact, she had only noticed her consciousness because of the absence of pain. That was odd.

Where was Henry? Did he know she was healed? She felt exhausted and still fairly poorly, but it was so much better than before. Perhaps the fever had broken. Her next thought was of her son. Her son! Edward! Oh, did she miss him. She craved him more than she had craved anything else, and that primal need is why she opened her eyes.

The room she was in was… strange.

It was so different to anything she had ever seen. But it didn’t matter. What mattered was her son, and her Henry. And where were her ladies? Her physicians? She hadn’t even any guards, and she didn’t recognise wherever she was. She frowned, ignoring the deep pain that resonated in her stomach as she sat up in the covers. It worsened when she stood from the bed. Upon reflection, she would realise that the haze of the illness was very much still there. She had discarded every sign screaming at her that this was wrong too easily, that this wasn’t her world. That the weakness and grief deep in her bones meant that something was very wrong.

She almost collapsed when she stood on shaky legs, but she had to find Edward. She hadn’t even held him yet- she should like to feed him herself, the wet nurses be damned. The bed had no posts or drapes, so she leaned on a tiny dresser that stood beside it. Henry would be so pleased with her, his only wife to provide an heir! Her vision went black in the corners, and she almost didn’t notice someone enter her chambers. Whatever the person was holding was promptly dropped, as they rushed to Jane, supporting her and lowering her back onto the bed. Jane hadn’t the strength to refuse, and her past mission was forgotten instantly. She lied down passively, but in the illness that had blurred her sight, she recognised the spun gold of the hair (albeit much shorter than it should have been) that belonged to the person. She smiled up at the figure.

Jane reached a hand up to cup her lady’s cheek, and she stopped instantly in her efforts to tuck her back in.

“Joan,” she breathed, before the exhaustion pulled down her eyelids, and she fell back to sleep.

---------------------------------

Anna of Cleves woke peacefully.

Her eyes drifted open slowly. She took in her surroundings with a mild surprise, but was mostly shocked to still be alive. The sharp pain in her abdomen had grown so painful, and the physicians all said she was to die. She had even written her will- maybe this was the afterlife. If it was, whoever governed it certainly had odd taste in furnishings. Tired of the sublime, she sat up cautiously, weary still of that pain and its dull presence.

“Excuse me?” she called out. She wasn’t sure who she would end up summoning, but the silence bored her already. There wasn’t even a book beside her. Within seconds, a woman with a peculiar complexion ran into the room, wearing even stranger clothes.

Her skin and eyes were of a dark brown, and her hair was the purest black she had ever seen. She was pretty though, and she had an excitement in her eyes that made Anna like her instantly. She gave her a kind smile, next asking her who she was.

“I’m Bessie,” she said simply. “Elizabeth Blount?” Anna’s smile loosened slightly as she cocked her head at the woman. She had opened her mouth to speak, but something glinted in the corner of her eye; upon turning her head, she found that it was a mirror. The clearest, largest mirror she had ever seen. And in the middle of it, sat up in a mess of blankets and pillows, was a woman with an even darker complexion, and black hair that stuck up at all angles.  That wasn’t Anna.

Her mouth was still open, and Bessie let out a snort. “I pulled about the same face when I saw myself,” she said as she walked over to Anna, as if this were a perfectly normal thing. As if they both weren’t completely different to how they should have been. Anna still stared at herself, and raised a hand to touch her face, to see if the woman was truly her. The reflection moved in synch.

“What?” was all she could say in reply. She ripped her gaze away from the mirror to look at the other woman, who had a grin on her face. That was definitely Bessie- a woman of no help at all. Another snort escaped Bessie, ending their impromptu staring competition, and she looked at them both in the mirror.

“To be frank? You died,” she said bluntly, and Anna wasn’t really surprised. She was more anxious to know why she was here, and why she was in the body of a completely different person. She rolled her eyes at Bessie, and at the statement. Bessie mockingly rolled her eyes in retort and turned to look at Anna directly. “Someone brought us all back. A man and a woman- Lucy and Toby.” Anna’s stare sobered at that.

“Back? What do you mean, back? And who is ‘us’?” Panic edged into her voice the longer her sentence grew, and Bessie had to place a hand on her arm to ground her.

“Calm down, Anna,” she said, not unkindly. “Me and three other ladies in waiting- Maria, Maggie, and Joan. We all live together, in this flat.” Anna looked at her as though she were mad, and she almost definitely didn’t know who most of those women were, but Bessie persisted.

“We were brought back a couple years ago. Lucy and Toby help us out, but they don’t live here. And, um,” and now Bessie hesitated. How on earth was she meant to word this?

“They… brought all of Henry’s wives back.”

Anna almost laughed, but the look of complete sincerity on Bessie’s face made her pause. “You- you’re joking, surely?”

A serious look was her only reply.

“Boleyn? Seymour? Parr?” She asked with growing disbelief. “Back?”

The look remained on Bessie’s face, and Anna stared down at her lap. “All of you,” she clarified. “I don’t know how Toby and Lucy did it. I don’t even think they know how they did it. But we’re here.”

---------------------------------

Katherine Howard woke crying.

She felt the wetness on her cheeks, and wiped it away without much thought in her sleep-drunk mind. She wondered what time it was, mostly. It was odd that a servant hadn’t been in to rouse her- sunlight could be seen even from behind her eyelids, and since it was the dead of winter, it must have been late. Her brow furrowed when she didn’t feel Henry beside her. Had they woken him but left her? It seemed that they had left breakfast for her, however, as she smelt something warm from across the room. She opened her eyes only to see that these were not her apartments. And there was a woman sitting across the small room, hunched over a foreign object with a steaming bowl on her lap.

Katherine moved to stand immediately, upset that she had been so vulnerable before someone who didn’t even look familiar, but a razor-sharp pain left her falling backwards to slam her back into the bed’s headboard. She didn’t see the woman’s head snap up to look at her, too consumed in her agony to even open her eyes. But she flinched violently when she felt a hand on her arm- she didn’t know who was touching her, she didn’t recognise the woman, she didn’t recognise this place-

The hand was retracted immediately, though Katherine’s fear persisted. Her breathing was quickening, and she felt an awful lot as though she were being choked. That scared her even more- was there someone else in the room? Who was touching her? The panic-fuelled adrenaline coursing through her had begun to numb most of the pain she had felt upon moving the first time, and she found the strength to open her eyes. No one was touching her, she discovered, though the closeness of the woman made her inch back on the bed. The brunette watched her tremble with a growing worry, and slid onto her knees on the floor when she realised Katherine’s retreat.

“Hey,” she said softly, although even that made Katherine flinch. “I’m Lucy. You’re safe.”

She wasn’t surprised to see very little change in Katherine at the sentence, knowing even herself that it was stupid. But as no one had taught her how to deal with a 500-year-dead Tudor queen, she decided to cut herself a little slack. She maintained the friendly smile on her face, wondering what the hell she and Toby had done now.

---------------------------------

Catherine Parr woke with a groan.

Cramps squeezed her lower abdomen and she twisted in the bed slightly. She was so cold. Why was she cold? Wouldn’t the cold be bad for Mary?

The sound of someone moving in the room made her eyes open minutely. It was a man- probably her physician. She tried to look closer, but the light gave her a headache, and she didn’t really understand what he was doing, anyway. He appeared to be putting something in- a wall? Surely that wasn’t right. But she wanted Mary more than she cared for what he was doing, honestly. She cleared her throat softly in preparation to speak, and the man’s head whipped towards her.

“Where’s Mary?” Her throat hurt, and the complete dryness of her mouth told her she needed water, but Mary was more important. She had only seen her daughter a couple times, and she was feeling much better now. The man continued to look at her and a look of pity she did not like at all replaced the original disbelief that had been there. He set down whatever he had been doing and sat on the chair that was a couple feet away from her bed. Odd. This wasn’t her room. Had they moved her to a nursery?

The man avoided her question, asking one of his own. “How do you feel? Would you like me to get you anything?” Catherine frowned at that.

“Only something to drink. But where’s Mary?”

The look on his face deepened, but he only twisted round in his seat to reach for something. He passed her a very strange container. It looked like glass, but contorted and made a rather obnoxious sound when she squeezed it. It held water, but she wasn’t thrilled to drink out of it. She looked up at the man questioningly.

“It’s, um- it’s a water bottle,” he outstretched his hand and took the bottle from her hand slowly. He untwisted its cap and gave it back, watching Catherine take a cautious sip. Knowing she wouldn’t get an answer to her original question, she thought of another while she drank.

“Where am I?” She asked instead. This question made the man pause, but not in the way her inquiries of her daughter did.

“You’re in the 21st century, Catherine.”

She stared at him. He blinked back.

She was about to argue with him, to be angry, before she realised the rest of her surroundings. Nothing looked like it should. Not the walls, not the windows, not the floor, the bed, the chairs, the books, the door- not even the clothes he was wearing looked normal. And all the physicians had said death was unavoidable, that she had grown too sick. It made too much sense, but it made absolutely none at all at the same time.

 “What?” The question felt childish, but she didn’t really care. His look of pity somehow intensified and she had to take a deep breath to keep from getting angry at it. She didn’t want pity, she wanted answers. “Who are you?” She asked next. He seemed relieved at this question.

“I’m Toby Marlow.”

[putschki1969]

Hikaru Tsumugu ~ Live Report

Notes: Got a 2-hour train ride ahead of me so I thought I’d use the opportunity to write up a little report. Please note that I was very exhausted during the live so I wasn’t able to pay as much attention as I usually would. Also, I didn’t know 7 out of the 17 performed songs so I had a hard time appreciating them properly. I didn’t cry which kinda surprised me. Maybe I was too tired. Hikaru did get a little teary eyed during the Kalafina section but aside from that, she was mostly happy and excited. Overall I think this live was much more powerful and cheerful in comparison to Hikaru’s birthday event from last year. Maybe that’s why it wasn’t as tearful. Then again, I know quite a lot of people who were sobbing like crazy. Anyways, let’s get this thing started:

Goods: I didn’t buy much tbh. The pamphlet, the tapioca set, the pen and the badges. The other stuff looked a little cheap if I am being honest. A little disappointed with the quality of the pamphlet. Quite expensive but very thin and it’s made up of some sort of rough paper material. Some pages have ugly printing marks (;_;)

Stage production: Pretty simple I’d say. The musicians were lined up on either side of a small staircase. There were some walls in the back and curtains/fabrics on top. They played the PVs of Hikaru’s songs during each H-el-ical// performance, it was nice to have the lyrics on screen to sing along. and for the other songs they mostly used elaborate lighting.

Hikaru’s look: As you can see from the pictures, she had her hair down for most of the live. It was styled very nicely with big curls. She wore a bold red lipstick. The live started with her wearing the white gown/coat. Pretending to take a drink, she went to her little table and all of a sudden she started stripping XD (it was like the Blue Day “signal” performance). She quickly dropped the coat during her MC before “Fili” and revealed a sexy red dress which was very reminiscent of the old Kalafina days (laces, corset style). After the instrumental she returned with a long blue dress that kinda reminded me of Kalafina’s 9+ONE denim style outfits due to the colour scheme. For her anisong section she surprised us once again by dropping the dress and revealing the sexiest outfit ever!!! Black high waisted leather pants and a black leather bralette. *nosebleed* During the encore she wore a black denim skirt and a long sleeved H-el-ical// shirt. Her hair was up. I wish they would have sold that shirt too since it looked much nicer than the normal t-shirts she was selling. As for shoes, she wore shiny black pumps with white laces. Speaking of laces, laces were definitely the main theme of her outfits that night. The coat, the dresses, her leather outfit and even her pumps had laces everywhere. Guess it all boils down to Tsumugu = Spinning. In her pamphlet you can see all the threads spinning around so I guess she was trying to go for the same vibe regarding her fashion. So glad Hikaru was kind enough to provide pictures of everything!!

Musicians: Everyone was in such a good mood!!! Gussy (Hikaru’s composer and one of the guitarists) was particularly hyped, he seemed to be really into it. Was a lot of fun to watch them perform.

Overall sound: I think for the most part, the live sounded great. Hikaru was in good shape and sang her songs well. If you don’t like the studio version though you won’t like the live version either. Hikaru pretty much used the same singing style which she used for the recording. The backing vocals were playing in the background to create a little more harmony. I think Hikaru was far more concerned about having fun rather than delivering a technically perfect performance! Hence, she ended up sounding a little off key or frail at times. Nothing that took away from the performance though. With someone as engaging as Hikaru I really don’t mind if the singing is less than flawless. Just seeing her having a blast was making up for any missed notes XD Wasn’t a particularly big fan of her anisong section because I didn’t know the songs and she got quite shouty there but I guess that was on purpose. Apart from some slightly screechy shouts she also did some very powerful shouts!

Random observations: The live was completely sold out! BANZAI!! The goods were also sold out (including the H-el-ical// CD). So happy for Hikaru’s “major debut“. I hope many people will watch the anime so she can have a lot of success as H-el-ical//. As has already been established, Keiko and LiSA were there to support Hikaru. They sat in the first row of the second floor (at the very left). Akihiro Tomita was also there. I think he might have taken up the role of producer. Masayuki Ohashi was also there. He was the one taking the picture of Keiko and LiSA. Then we have Takeshi Kato of course. I am expecting a SPICE live report very soon. When Hikaru did her infamous goods corner she also introduced her CD. Once again she mixed up Kalafina and H-el-ical// when she said that there were eight tracks by Kalafina included (during the SPICE broadcast she also mixed up the two if you can remember). It was super cute. Old habits die hard.

Amanhecer: Great start for the live, I LOVE this song. She sat on top of the stairs and sang it beautifully. It almost seemed like she was sparkling in her white coat. Like an angel.

Splendore: The pace really picked up here. Hikaru was running around on stage, jumping up and down. It was amazing to see her so happy. You can tell she was born to be a solo performer (something that cannot be said about Wakana XD).

粉雪 (Cover: Remioromen): Didn’t know the song but it was quite beautiful. Hikaru did a great job. Definitely one of the more memorable performances of the night.

WINTER SONG (Cover: Dreams Come True): Another song I didn’t know, unfortunately I didn’t particularly like it. Can’t really remember any details.

Fili:The first unreleased song from the CD. I loved it. Hikaru said it made her think of the earth. Too bad I can’t listen to my CD while I am in Japan.

Avaricia: Probably my second favourite H-el-ical// song. Awesome performance. Her dress was perfect for the more mature and jazz-y vibe of the verses. But of course my favourite part of the song is the chorus!

yolcu: Hands down the best H-el-ical// performance of the night (and my favourite song so far). This is such a good song!! Can’t believe how much I loved it! The way she was pushing her arm in the air, I literally felt power surging through me. Also, damn, Hikaru was so sexy moving to the exotic rhythm in her red dress.

Instrumental: That was kinda all over the place, didn’t really like it. It started with some sort of extension of “yolcu” and then it became very slow with just Hirotaka Sakurada and the violinist. Then the pace suddenly picked up again and everyone was playing. No idea if it was a special song or them just playing random stuff. I didn’t recognise it.

ARIA & blaze & sprinter: The Kalafina section was super special as expected. Hikaru said that she consulted Yuki Kajiura on the matter, about whether or not it would be a good idea to sing Kalafina songs. Everyone agreed that she should sing them if she wanted to, after all, they made these songs together (as long as the songs aren’t released on DVD/BD I am guessing Hikaru is free to sinf as many Kalafina songs as she wants). Only fitting that she should sing them. Also, her live is called “Tsumugu” which means spinning. It’s about the future of H-el-ical// which she is spinning right now but also about everything that has been spun so far and of course that includes Kalafina. It was just Hikaru, Saku-chan and the violinist. They used the acoustic arrangements from past performances. “ARIA” sounded different from her Birthday Event performance though. It was even slower and more dramatic. I LOVED it. Every time I hear a new version of “ARIA” I fall a little more in love with the song and Hikaru. If you have seen that short snippet of “blaze” in the 10th Anniversary Film then you get an idea of what it sounded like. “sprinter” was super emotional. Not as tear-inducing as during the Arena Live or during Hi’s B-Day Event but still, incredibly powerful. I definitely teared up and so did Hikaru!! “ARIA and sprinter” were shortened considerably since Hikaru didn’t sing any Kajiura-go parts. For the most part she also didn’t sing the Wa/Kei lines. I think she sang“blaze” in its entirety though (except for the bridge).

History Maker & Paradise Lost & 青空のナミダ: I have a hard time saying anything about these songs. I knew “History Maker” from the Birthday Event but the other two songs were completely new to me. No idea how the originals sound like but Hikaru certainly knew how to make the songs her own. I just wish she would have chosen songs better suited for her voice. Occasionally her singing sounded quite off. Or maybe I am wrong and the original songs simply sound like that. Most popular anisongs sound quite noisy to my ears. Whenever I am in Akihabara I have to cringe due to the loud not very pleasant sounding music playing in the background (I feel like it’s always something by Ao Eir or LiSA...no idea)...Hikaru was sexy as hell with her leather outfit so I mostly focused on that. Thank God I brought my binoculars. She was really bad-ass during the anime secret so it was a joy to watch.

Existence: I don’t remember anything about this song tbh, except that it had a very rock-ish vibe. I actually thought it was another anisong at first but then I kinda recognised Gussy’s trademark style and concluded that it must be the other unreleased H-el-ical// song. I probably won‘t be relistening to this a lot.

pulsation: Nice powerful ending! Nothing else to say about it.

EN

This is me: I had heard that song before but I couldn’t really place it. Either way, it was a very engaging performance! There are a lot of ooohhh parts in the song, Hikaru would sing one part and the audience would sing the other part. Everyone had a blast!! This was probably the most active song of the night in terms of audience interaction. Otherwise the audience was pretty tame I would say. Everyone remained seated during the entire live.

TSUMUGU: Not as emotional as I had expected, however, the lalala at the end killed me. We didn’t really sing along properly (neither were we asked to) but it was nice to have everyone waving. More teary eyes but no proper tears.

[mellowdave]

Film, its imminent death and hopeful resurrection…

We watched “Ad Astra” last night.

Like pretty much everyone, we are

watching some missed pieces during this pandemic and associated quarantine. We worked through “Tales from the Loop” last week, and while I was perusing the watchlist Friday afternoon I realized there were a few movies on HBO that we had missed at the theatre for various reasons we could take in as well. I sat Saturday and watched “Ford v. Ferrari” and thoroughly enjoyed that, so yesterday I decided to watch “Ad Astra”. I am not always in the mood for the genre it represents, or that I thought it represented, science fiction is often a let down on film, when the studio doesn’t choose a visionary to manage their millions of dollars and instead drops it on someone who’s better off making a football film, but has been reliable for them. There have been thousands of words written and entire Youtube accounts dedicated to folks lamenting the current state of affairs in the film and hi end series business, and it’s pretty unlikely that I have anything particularly unique to add to the dialogue, but these are a few of my personal thoughts. I’ll post my opinions of the actual films on separate pages.

Film and “TV” in general are obviously blurred together these days. Since Netflix became the streaming juggernaut it is, and actual broadcast TV has declined to the point of needing life support, I think I should define the two. I say “TV” in reference to content created with the home viewer as the primary audience, and film as that created for the theatre and big screen experience. You can make a solid argument that they are the same, but even if it isn’t budget and production quality any more there is still usually a palpable difference. In a sense, the big shared universe franchises, and things like 3 “Hobbit” and three “Lord of the Rings” films are not so different from serialized “TV”. The market dictates that even films are made with an eye on the subsequent streaming market from the start. I suppose a more accurate term would be “serialized content” since it doesn’t really matter where we are viewing it anymore.

The whole business seems to be about 50% dedicated to cashing in on nostalgia, and I’m not totally against that. So many really solid stories were let down by abysmal budgets, or in the case of almost all sci fi, the pretty sad visual effects available in the 80s and 90s. They were at best less than stellar, or more likely, never made at all. Some original sci fi has real potential, consider Larry Niven’s “The Smoke Ring” series, which was talked about but never materialized, or, for contrast, the disappointing vision of “Dune” that did come to film. I’m all for some re imagining of a few of the real classics, as long as they respect the source in the process. I don’t need to see a CGI version of “The Last Starfighter”, it wouldn’t improve on the story, and the effects were part of the joy, but I am stoked to see Denis Villeneuve’s take on Dune, with a real budget, and (hopefully) less studio interference.

Who didn’t love the new “Battlestar Galactica Series”? The original was a weekly appointment view for me when I was a kid even though it was the campiest thing ever made after the Gil Gerrard “Buck Rogers”. The reboot came at a time when these things were just getting off the ground, and it was made for a modest budget, making the most of every penny they spent to create a gritty take on the original, without completely disregarding it’s lore and texture. Sci Fi made it as a two hour movie first to test the waters, and found such an enthusiastic audience that it ran for seven seasons. On that note, serializing a few classic movies isn’t the worst idea either. We’re all waiting to see what Amazon’s Lord of the Rings series looks like, and I am really enthused with what I’ve seen of the upcoming “Foundation” series. The story telling options a season of 40 minute serials gives writers opens up whole new depths to character development and deeper plots.

Some recent classics like “Firefly” are probably not firing up anytime soon, but just imagine if that franchise had found the type of rebirth that “The Expanse” did with its switch to Amazon Prime and it’s dramatic budget increase. The world of “Firefly” is rich and well developed, and perfect for a spin off shot.

We’ve generally been let down by serial adaptations of films, but when the writers use a well known and popular universe of an original film or franchise as the starting point rather than the characters and plots themselves, we’ve gotten some really good work. I submit the first season of “The Mandalorian” as the obvious candidate. It’s a familiar universe, the writers don’t have to spend three episodes world building, and we get to scratch the nostalgia itch in the process. A similar series based on material not so well known to the general viewing audience requires a good bit more in the way of exposition dumps to get us involved. Instead, “Mando” hit the ground running.

Original series that don’t dig into a known universe, but rather a general since of nostalgia for a period, like “Stranger Things” are new and popular also for very solid reasons. An engaging cast paired with stellar writing from the Duffer brothers made the most surprising and entertaining non franchise series I’ve seen in twenty years. We completely stumbled onto that gem by sitting around in the house alone the year it was released just surfing the Netflix recommended list. We even started it reluctantly, saying “well, we can always turn it off” and ended up watching all night. Having grown up a child of the 80s, the universe it is set in was instantly familiar to me, and different enough from our current that it gives the writers some license to not be 100% gritty and realistic. The obvious nods to classic horror and sci fi films just iced that cake.

I think (and I say this all the time) that were in a golden age of serialized content, and even though the film industry is on life support as far as creativity goes, she’s still hanging in there, releasing the occasional gem for us to dig into. I have high hopes that we’ll get some greatness in between the industry bean counters stepping in and wrecking things. Those giant blockbusters that everyone rushes out and drops 25.00 a ticket on creates profit that pays for riskier but quality work like “Knives Out” and “Ex Machina”. Maybe I’m painting with too optimistic a brush, its a weakness of mine for sure, but things don’t seem to be so bad right now.

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[velvetgons]

insecurity

junkyu x gender neutral reader

genres; angst, fluff 

word count; 6.2k 

song recs; home - seventeen and bloom later - jesse !!

warnings; mentions of cheating, insecurity, self-doubt, pls don’t read if you think this could make you feel insecure or bad abt yourself!!!, copious amounts of fluff, kissing (is that a warning?)

requested; yes!! thank you angel :) [requests are open] 

a/n; not much angst because uhh i am not so good at writing long angst oof

gif credit; hynsks on tumblr!! please tell me if you’d like it removed at any point :) 

His footsteps receded into dull thumps as you remained sprawled across the surface of the sofa in your living room. The TV continued to blare on in front of you, your eyes trained forward on it as you could already feel yourself begin to miss the presence of him beside you. You huffed softly, focusing on another mindless action sequence mid-way through a movie you didn’t care about, squinting as you watched the lead drop multiple stories of stairs to land perfectly on his feet. A scoff passed your lips as you mumbled out a realistically too-loud-for-when-you’re-alone, “Is that even actually possible?”

“Is what even actually possible?” You heard Junkyu’s voice call back in response, your head twisting to see that he must’ve been yelling from the kitchen, the living room still devoid of him.

You dropped your head back toward the screen in disappointment before yelling back a quick, “Do you think you could drop down six flights of a stairs and be, like, totally unaffected?”

You received a loud laugh in response, “I can’t even walk upstairs, so, I’d say no.”

Biting back the laugh bubbling up in your throat, you huffed dramatically before re-wording. “No, not you, I just mean, like, a person.”

“Am I not a person?” Junkyu called back, multiple clanging sounds as he attempted to put dinner into the oven for you both meeting your ears in harsh jolts.

You hummed just loud enough for him to hear, “Barely,” you called in a sing-song tone, hearing him gasp in response, “anyway, who cares about that, answer my question.”

He laughed again, a bright grin turning your lips up at the sound, almost wishing he wouldn’t actually stop to speak just yet. “I care about that,” he began, before another banging sound resounded through your apartment, “but, hm, yeah, I do think it’s possible.”

A far louder, more offended scoff passed your lips then, “Seriously? I don’t.”

“Obviously,” you heard him call in response, your grin spreading across your features as you heard the oven door finally open, “check, so I can finally be right about something.”

Your hands dropped onto the soft cotton of the sofa, fingers splaying out as you swiped your hands around in an attempt to find your phone. You lifted your hips off of the sofa in an ungracious check to see if it’d ended up underneath you, finding nothing again. Double-checking the coffee-table, you remembered rushing upstairs only twenty minutes ago to charge it after it’d died while you’d been showing Junkyu dumb cat videos you’d found late the night before.

“Can I use your phone?” You called back in inquiry, knowing already he’d say yes like you both always did.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be, like, two seconds, but go ahead.” Part of you felt suspicion bubble up at whatever he was still doing in the kitchen, the slight worry that he’d broken another almost impossible-to-break appliance hanging over you as you picked his phone up from the top of the table. You typed in his password without really thinking, his phone opening up to the picture of you and him from earlier that year, making you groan softly at the sight. It was one of his favourites – for evident reasons – he looked absolutely perfect, dressed well and smiling brightly at the camera; while you were wearing an oversized shirt of his, your hair messy from the day spent lounging around with him and Yedam, and you were caught off-guard, staring at him as if he was some kind of alien being.

Quickly moving onto opening the internet, you waited patiently for the home-page to load up, tapping your fingertips against the back of the phone. The sound of his text notification noise going off made you jump slightly, an embarrassed laugh passing your lips as you realised what it was. You’d usually ignore them, swiping them away as not to invade any sense of his privacy, but the sight of an unknown number peaked your interest. You pulled the text down to be able to read the whole thing, feeling your chest tighten at the words.

[19:28] unknown: I had so much fun today :) we definitely need to do it again soon, text me when she isn’t there and we can make more plans?

You breathed in sharply, feeling annoyance burst through you at yourself for jumping to conclusions. Breathing in deeply, you re-read the text, knowing it was probably nothing. It was probably a friend with a new phone, they probably weren’t doing anything bad, it was just bad timing to be catching one of their texts out of context.

Opening the message thread, you saw no more texts from the same number, sighing as you could already feel the likelihood of you obsessing over this growing. Just as you were about to close it and seek out Junkyu to get the asking him over with, another text came through.

[19:30] unknown: Just make sure she doesn’t find out!! We don’t want her knowing about this :) x

Junkyu dropped onto the sofa beside you, just as you closed the message thread to go back to the internet, your fingers stuttering over the keyboard. “So, who’s the smartest in this relationship, then?” You heard him ask, looking at you with raised brows.

You forced yourself to laugh in response, immediately feeling confusion at why you did that afterwards, “Wasn’t sure what to type, really.”

He laughed brightly, slipping the phone out of your hands before stopping and speaking again, “Oh, did I get a text? Thought I heard my phone go off.”

Humming softly you shrugged, “Uh huh, I clicked on it accidentally, but I went off it as soon I did. Sorry,” you mumbled softly, wondering if this would prompt him into anything.

He just shrugged, nodding, “It’s okay,” before his thumbs began tapping against his phone-screen again, “now, let’s see who truly is the intellectual here.”

           That had been a week ago now. You’d told him when he’d texted to tell you he’d gotten home safe that you weren’t feeling well, so you’d go to bed early and couldn’t respond to his texts. He hadn’t seemed to have noticed anything, telling you he hoped you felt better soon and to tell him if you needed anything.

Suffice to say, you weren’t feeling better soon. You’d been using this sudden and strange illness to avoid Junkyu and all of your other friends for the entire week, only daring to leave the safety of your apartment to go to school and work, grabbing small amounts of shopping on the journey back and forth. Rationally, you knew that isolating yourself and allowing your mind to spin different versions of a story you truly didn’t know any detail of would only aggravate the issue. But it was like you couldn’t stop yourself; the second he’d stepped out of that door, you’d began picking at the possibilities like a scab, trying to dig past the surface and figure out by yourself what was going on underneath.

Clearly, it had been slow work, the pressure of beginning to imagine and picture your boyfriend in a relationship with someone else behind your back had gotten to you enough to make solitude feel like the best option. Before, in the unusual instance of you and Junkyu arguing, you’d seek out a mutual friend, you’d rant and they’d know him enough to give you suggestions on how to fix it. It was the exact same thing he did in response to arguments with you. That was one of your favourite things about the two of you, the fact that you were able to put your stubbornness aside and figure things out together. This time just felt different. It didn’t feel like a matter you could take to a mutual friend and ask for an un-biased opinion on.

Slumping further back into your sofa with the blanket bound around you, you groaned in discomfort, feeling like your head had a heartbeat as you attempted to figure out what had to be the hundredth theory you’d come up with. This is, you noted, where things had evidently gone very wrong, turning in a direction you had first thought was unattached from the beginning picture of him cheating on you.

Every day when you woke up now, you’d feel an ever-growing and ever-painful need to stand in front of the full-length mirror and pick yourself apart, piece by piece. Over these seven sessions going in-depth on why Junkyu must no longer love you and be attracted to you and therefore feel a need to cheat on you, you’d come to conclude that perhaps that was a lot more wrong with you than you’d first imagined. Even when you’d been at your lowest with insecurities, you’d never thought that you weren’t worth anything. In fact, you were all about things being about more than looks, that was a thing you always spread around within your friendship group.

Now, though, things felt more difficult than they ever had. You stood in front of that mirror and stopped seeing a person worthy of love and respect and care, a person with worth and meaning. All you saw now was someone made entirely of flaws and imperfections, someone who didn’t have a single redeeming quality that someone could fall in love with.

You were sure that by now you could write someone a numbered list on all of the things that must have made Junkyu fall into someone else’s arms. You had decided that there was something wrong with your hairstyle, your eyes, your nose, your mouth, your cheekbones, your neck, your chest, your stomach, your arms, your hands, your thighs, your calves, even finding a way to choose multiple flaws in something as minuscule as your temples.

It was overwhelming, the constant crushing weight of feeling yourself rationalising the possibility of somebody cheating on you, on top of trying to give a timeline to events you couldn’t even be sure were genuinely happening. Your phone went off, alerting you both that someone was trying to get in contact with you again and that you were, indeed, crying again. Sniffling softly, you picked your phone up from the sofa, turning it over to see if it was Junkyu again.

[17:40] yedam: :(( are you still sick? If you are pls let me bring you some medicine…you’ve been sick for so long now

You felt your heart warm softly, the slight concern for making someone as sweet as Yedam anxious weighing down on your chest for a few small moments. Swiping at some of the tears still falling down your cheeks, you supposed that you should probably check the other constant loop of messages you’d gotten from friends – and namely, totalling up to over twenty from Junkyu – that you hadn’t responded to. Worry bit into you, although you couldn’t find the energy to give any of them a coherent response, you figured if you just told one of them they could circulate it around themselves and be content again.

[17:42] to yedam: yeah, i’m still not the best :(( sorry bub, but i promise i’m 100% fine!! i got myself some medicine today, i’ll be ready to go in a couple days

You sighed softly, preparing to drop your phone back face-down onto your sofa and go back to binge watching movies you’d already seen to make yourself feel better, however the sound of your phone dinging again you decided to check it again.

           [17:43] yedam: Oh my god!! A response!! I feel so special :)

          [17:43] yedam: Anyway…Junkyu’s been really stressed over this…maybe you should…you know, text him back

You felt the dramatic side of you flare up again, telling you that you should explain the situation to Yedam and have him help you in any way he thought he could. However, the rational side of you told you that he’d go right back to Junkyu to tell him everything you were thinking of. You felt like all of those people who said they were at, ‘the end of their rope,’ and you couldn’t even fully explain or figure out why you were so wound up.

More tears dripped down your face as you gave in, letting yourself lift your knees up onto the sofa and curl into yourself. Soft sobs left your lips as you reminded yourself that crying loudly was okay, because there was, as per usual nowadays, no one else here. Your phone dinged again, and again, going off a few times while you gave up on counting them, your sobs growing in volume. You let yourself continue on like this, feeling your breathing finally begin to even-out again as you reached over to curl your fingertips around your phone.

Lifting it closer to your face so you could check what the collection of texts had been. Your breathing that had just finished slipping back to a good, steady rhythm, it suddenly went off again, feeling as if your chest was being pressed down on again.

           [17:48] junkyu: you’re still sick?? is that why you haven’t been responding??

           [17:50] yedam: Okay I’m sorry but I told Junkyu you’re still sick

           [17:52] yedam: He’s just gonna come check up on you, ok? Don’t start worrying about how you look again bub I’m sure you look fine :) ily

         [17:57] junkyu: hi babe i’m kinda uh gonna be at ur place in 5 so pls open the door 4 ur favourite boy!!!

Coughing softly in an attempt to quicken the process of evening out your breathing, you checked the time, seeing it was already 6pm. You yanked yourself up to your feet, rushing down the hall to your bathroom and checking your splotched face. You fumbled, hands shaking as you gripped onto the cold steel of the cold tap and spun it, hearing the water splash against the sink as you closed your eyes and focused on pulling full breaths back into your lungs.

You took handfuls of the water and threw it onto your face, scrubbing it into your face and sighing when you saw the little it was doing to help clean up the evidence from crying on your face. Sparing a glance down to your outfit, you wished you could find the time to change, but you could already hear him knocking at your front door.

Heading back toward the front door, you could physically feel your heart moving up into your chest, your eyes clouding over with tears again of their own accord as you pulled the door handle down. Pulling the door open to reveal Junkyu, you almost let yourself cry again, feeling the mixed emotions clang together inside your chest and throat. Part of you wanted to cry at the relief of finally seeing him again, knowing you’d missed him more than you were ready to accept over the week, but the other part of you was reminding you that this was the boy who was going to break your heart.

“Baby!” He shouted, stepping into the apartment as he immediately swept you into his arms, locking them around your waist tightly as he tugged you impossibly close to him. “I wish you would’ve told me you were still sick sooner, I would’ve come.”

A pang of guilt ran through you at the sentiment behind his words, the feeling of knowing that he still cared for you rushing through you. Although, you pondered, could someone truly care about you if they were cheating on you, if they were doing something that would hurt you in the long run. You hummed in response, your arms curling themselves around him of their own consciousness.

He pulled back from you, his fingertips meeting yours and linking your hands together as he dragged you back in the direction of the living room. Seeing him navigate his way through the place you called home so confidently and naturally made an entirely different feeling wash over you, one of nostalgia and slight shame at the notion that you were lying to him purely because you doubted him so entirely. You weren’t entirely sure of what to do with yourself now that you had any lingering – or constant and overwhelming – negative feelings directed towards him. You’d never been caught in a position like this with him before, and now it left you wondering over how you were expected to act around the person you had definitively decided had cheated on you.

By the time you got far enough away from your thoughts to look at him confidently, you saw him smiling back softly, observing the way your face scrunched up in discomfort with worry ghosting on his features. “Do you think it’s a virus?” He began gently, keeping his voice low and whispered as if not to disturb a headache you didn’t really have.

His actions made you double-guess yourself, thinking back to what could now be construed as completely irrational threads of thought if he debunked them for you. The feeling of his hand coming to clasp yours warmly, gripping it within his own as he leant across to press a quick kiss to your cheek as if he was deeply concerned for you in your silence. Every piece of his actions made you desperate to flinch away, maybe in disbelief that this boy who was – in acceptance of the cheesiness of such a statement – literally made from honey with how sweet he was could possibly hurt you like this, or maybe more so for the belief that he’d see things you thought he’d fallen for, when in fact they could have been what ruined you. You could feel your hand begin to tremble as you felt the first salty trail of tears begin, wishing against all reality that they would just stop in their tracks before he noticed them.

Seven days’ worth of insecurity and shame smacked against you, washing over you like a wave and swallowing you up, spreading across your chest from the inside. You suddenly felt as if you were far too exposed, as if a hundred eyes were pointing at you like you had become some kind of exhibit. The examples of things to fixate on and hate about yourself suddenly sprung themselves to the forefront of your mind, your eyes shutting tightly as more tears fell against your mental protest. Insecurity had never, in all honesty, been something you had been good in any way at dealing with – perhaps, though, what you’d found comfort and honesty in before had been the things surrounding you, which, to your current dismay, must have always included Junkyu.

The weight of an arm wrapping around your shoulders and tugging you to be pressed safely against a sturdy chest made your heart speed up. Butterflies had been something you found yourself experiencing a lot with Junkyu, the knowledge that there was so much emotion and tenderness behind the small mundane actions always making you feel so swarmed with love. Now, though, the butterflies slammed against your rib-cage and made you feel like your head was pounding with some subdued panic you couldn’t fight.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he soothed softly, pressing a flutter of feather-light kisses to your temple in order to calm your sobbing, “does it hurt?” He pressed forward, all the while tracing calming circles and minuscule hearts onto the skin of the hand still linked with his.

Your immediate reaction was to nod, and you found yourself doing so as your hands tightened around the fabric of his shirt, burying your face into his chest to avoid the fear of him seeing you looking worse than you already pictured yourself. Your mouth opened and then closed again, and you found yourself scrambling to form a sentence of some kind that would summarise how you felt, what you were thinking, all the questions you had wanted to fire off at him since he’d left your apartment a week ago. But you just couldn’t find it within yourself, you couldn’t find the ability to question him when you were so sure you already knew why a boy like him would do this to a girl like you.

“Can I get you something, baby? Where does it hurt? Do I need to call someone?” Junkyu’s voice had risen slightly, making you wonder if you’d missed something he’d said in a haze while you fought to keep yourself hidden despite his protest. He seemed to be trying to figure out how bad you were feeling from looking at your face, but the panic that rose within you at the prospect of him doing so made your hold around him tighten.

His rush of panicked questioning only made the pit of confusion in your stomach open up further, and you couldn’t quite find a safe conclusion for all the things you were feeling at once. For a moment, his movements completely stilled, before he softly pushed you away from him, your body not having the strength to cling onto him any longer. As you slipped away from his body, his arms still firmly locked around your waist, you kept your eyes trained downwards, avoiding ever catching his eyes directly.

“Baby,” he began cautiously, “is…is something really wrong? Are you, like, badly sick? Do I need to definitely call someone?” The pure fear and apprehension tightened behind his words made the knot form itself back up in your throat, threatening to cover over the previous track of tears once again.

Shaking your head lightly, you knew that you didn’t have any room to manoeuvre a story in your favour anymore, that it was time to finally confess what was going on in your head to him. A searing jolt ran through you then, seeing the words tumbling past your chapped lips acting as a kind of finish line, as a brick wall on everything you’d built with Junkyu for the time ahead of you both.

“I’m not…Junkyu, I’m not sick.” You choked out, making sure to avoid looking into his eyes, knowing the moment you did would be the moment you lost all the strength to continue this conversation with him.

He tilted his head at you, eyebrows scrunching together in confusion, “What’s, what’s been wrong then?” For a moment, he stopped to wonder over something, before one of his hands found their way to cup your jaw, tilting your head upwards to look at him, “Why couldn’t you tell me there was something wrong?”

This question, although he didn’t know the meaning you were reading behind it, slapped you across the face. In all honesty, you knew you couldn’t be angry with him if he walked away from this, even if he had been entirely faithful, even if you were broken down by now, you couldn’t be angered by any reaction he had if he wasn’t at fault, because it was a painful thing to be accused of. You wondered what was worse – being accused of cheating on the person you loved most and were entirely faithful too, or feeling the need to accuse the person you loved most and trusted entirely of cheating.

“I’d have helped, whatever it was, you know that, right?” He questioned, his voice filling the silence and the hollow in your chest. At this, you searched across his face, trying to see if there was anything that could give you an answer before you dived head-first into the deep end of a conversation you didn’t ever want to have with him.

You exhaled softly, closing your eyes and willing the lump in your throat to just disappear, or maybe you were just wishing someone somewhere could give you some kind of extra emotional strength in that moment. “Junkyu, I, can I ask you a question? One that’s probably not…the nicest, I guess. I just…I need you to be completely honest when you answer me.”

Watching him intently, you observed the way he seemed to hesitate at the request. This immediately came across as a bad sign, a red flag that whatever his answer was it had to be picked at, it had to be torn apart until you could twist it into something you could believe. However, he nodded afterwards, swallowing thickly as his hands adjusted to slip more of your balled up fist into it, allowing you to feel the warmth of his palm as he tightened his hand back around yours.

You basked in this action, wondering if it would be the last time you’d get to feel his hand in yours. “Okay, I…” you sighed, moving your free hand to rub at your tired eyes before beginning again. “Are you cheating on me?” Once the words had actually left your mouth, the notion of not finding the confidence or the will to say them beforehand seemed almost comical. The easiness and fluency behind saying such a simply string of words and not thinking about the weight the order of them held was almost too funny to imagine being a difficult task.

At this, Junkyu recoiled, his mouth dropping open as his eyes narrowed at the space around, as if the words had become a physical thing he could see floating tauntingly in the air around him. “I, am I what? Why would…why do you even believe, for a second, that I even could do something like that to you?” The words left him in a jumbled, loud mess, but you knew what he was getting at.

How could you ever actually accuse him of cheating on you? What had made you believe that he had the ability to complete such a cruel act in the first place? If you were going to bring up the texts, you knew it had to be then. It was strange thinking about the concept now, your only proof and backing behind such a bold idea being two short texts that had popped up on his phone, that you could easily have asked him about seconds after you saw them. And now, you sat across from him, an entire week later, spewing a question that had so little to hold it up directly to his face.

“Junkyu, I, I saw some texts on your phone, from this…unknown number. And I get it, you probably think I’m overreacting, but they were weird texts, and I didn’t feel good about them.” You rambled, your empty hands now knotting together to tug at the fingers of each other in an attempt to escape the sheer anxiety building up inside you.

He looked confused for a moment, like he truly didn’t have any idea what you were talking about. “What, last week?” You nodded in response, dropping the eye contact as he huffed in response. “It’s been seven days! Why didn’t you just ask me about them if you felt weird about it? I would’ve answered!”

“You’re not answering now!” You scoffed, finally finding the courage to look up at him as he tilted his head at you in a lost manner again. Something about his actions made him seem almost childlike, as if there was no way possible he should be involved in a moment like this one.

He raised his hands to push his hair back out of his face, “Okay, okay, fine, I just, I don’t,” he paused to breathe in shakily, “you told me you didn’t see them.”

“Would it have been better if I didn’t? Are you…actually hiding something, Junkyu?” Your voice cracked at the end, the foreknowledge that he’d start crying soon under the pressure and strain of the argument starting to get to you.

You heard a small sniffle before he continued, “Well, I mean, yeah, but not for the reason you think it is, I…you, just, you lied to me, you know? I wish you would’ve just told me, baby. This isn’t…it’s not what you think it is.”

Having watched a lot of drama movies in your life, you knew that line was straight out of a cheater’s handbook. But, as he’d said earlier, looking at it in a full picture, did you really believe that Junkyu was genuinely able to do something like that? You weren’t so sure anymore, but the insecurity and fear inside of you was beginning to nip at your skin again, leaving you in an uncomfortable position of not even understanding your own logic.

“Then, what is it, Junkyu? I know I…I lied to you, I know, I just, I was scared. And I know you are, too, but if you did it…I get it, okay, I really do.” You breathed out, feeling a few stray tears escape to make their way down from your eyelashes only to be swiped at by the sleeve of your jumper.

At this, he seemed to jump as if you’d yelled at him, his mouth opening and closing as he struggled to string together a sentence. “What are you talking about? You’d get it? Why…why would you understand someone doing something like that to you?”

“I didn’t say someone, I said you,” you began softly, a bitter laughing bubbling past your lips, “you’re, you know, you, and I’m, well I’m not exactly anywhere near your level, am I?”

Junkyu visibly startled, staring wide-eyed at you, looking more offended than when you’d posed your initial question. “I…baby, okay, um, let’s, take this one step at a time, alright?” You looked at him sceptically for a quiet second, nodding your head softly as he swiped harshly at the first tear to slip down his cheek.

“I didn’t cheat on you, okay? I wouldn’t. I’m, to be honest, I’m a little offended you think I’d ever do that, but, it’s, I can understand why it looks bad.” He fumbled about in the back pocket of his jeans for a second, pulling his phone forward so you could see it, skimming to tap in his password before re-opening the message thread again. Briefly, you wondered if this was something you actually wanted to see, but you knew you’d have to put your faith back in Junkyu as some point soon. He swiped up from a couple of messages, allowing you to briefly see the name had been changed to a saved contact, but you couldn’t read the screen from the angle you were at.

He turned the screen toward you, prompting you to read whatever was on it, as you took it from his hands. Your eyes skimmed across the messages as you felt your stomach rise from the pit it had been slumped into for the week behind you, although the guilt at your actions seeped into its place soon after.

The contact name simply read, ‘Mashi ♡.’ The texts underneath the one’s you’d seen all followed basic format, with normal day-to-day conversations and dumb jokes, Mashiho always finishing off the texts with little kisses or smiley faces. You were sure, from knowing him a while beforehand, that he did this with nearly everyone at some point or another during a conversation.

Your eyebrows scrunched up, “What…what was he talking about, then? It, just, I’m sorry, I just, I don’t understand, am I missing something?”

Junkyu chuckled softly, his eyes watery as he looked directly at you, “Yeah, uh, I wasn’t really supposed to tell you but, given the circumstances…we’re kind of, planning a surprise trip for you.” He shrugged, eyes leaving yours in an almost boyishly shy manner that you wouldn’t have expected to see from his earlier demeaner.

“A what?” You asked, a blush curling up to your cheeks as you looked down, unsure if the sudden bashfulness within you was from the embarrassment at your accusations or the sweetness behind their actions.

Junkyu hummed again, “You’ve just been stressed a lot lately, you know? So, we wanted to give you a break, take you somewhere nice, but…I know you hate planning trips, so we wanted to keep it a secret so it didn’t make things worse.”

You dropped your face into your hands, guilt flooding through you as you noticed just how kind both him and Mashiho were being about a situation you had no idea about. “Mashi just got a new phone, he, he asked me to give you his number but I forgot and then you got sick and I, I was gonna give it you when you were better.”

His ramble made you look up again, seeing his swipe at his cheeks again as he noticed the tears falling freely down your face for what seemed to be the millionth time that week. His hands moved to quickly cup your face, thumbs swiping tears away as he shook his head, “Don’t, don’t cry, it’s, I’m not angry, I’m a little upset, but, it’s okay, we’re okay, okay? Can you…can you tell me it’s okay? I just wanna fix this.”

Seeing his tears fall faster, you moved the fabric of your jumper to cover your hands and moved them to mirror his actions, swiping the sweater paws to catch the tears as they fell. He laughed lightly, smiling at you as grinned back at him, your head falling onto his shoulder at how ridiculous the situation seemed now. “There’s nothing to fix, I…I should’ve just asked, I’m so sorry, you know, I, I should never have let myself believe you could do that to me, or anyone.”

At this, he cleared his throat, rousing you from his shoulder and back into his line of sight. “We need to talk about what you said earlier, yeah?” You swallowed nervously before nodding, feeling his hands tug you up and into his lap. “I…can’t even begin to explain how wrong you are,” he mumbled, “how long have you been thinking like this?”

“Not long, I promise,” you began, watching as he seemed to breath out a sigh of relief, “I just, ever since I saw the texts, I guess. I just feel like I’m never gonna be able to be on the same…level as you, you know? I’m never gonna be good-looking enough for you, or have the perfect enough body type for you, I’m just never gonna be enough for you.” You said softly, your voice dropping into almost silence as you spoke.

Junkyu stayed quiet for a few minutes, as if trying to process and then understand the words being spoken to him. “No.” He said after you could feel the air begin to grow thick with apprehension of his answer.

You rose your eyebrows at him, “No?”

“You’re wrong.” He concluded, nodding once at you as if to lock the fact into your brain.

Unsure of how to argue with him on this, you simply sighed, “Junkyu, I, it’s okay. I’m okay just, being with you for as long as you need to find someone who’s…enough.”

Junkyu jolted underneath you, his hold on you seeming to tighten as his face curdled in disgust at your comment. “Baby…” he began against, his voice laced with weighed down sadness and panic, “that’s not, you shouldn’t ever lower yourself to think that way.” Just as you opened your mouth to confirm that in your mind, this was just a line in the sand, something you wouldn’t be able to cross with him for however long he stayed with you.

“No,” he interrupted your thoughts again, even gentler than before, “just, listen for a second, hm?” He waited a beat for you to nod in confirmation before beginning, “You’re enough. Not just for me, though, okay? You’re…hard-working, strong, smart, determined, kind, and…so, so much more, I don’t even have the words to begin describing you, you know? You just…you inspire me so much, and you don’t even know it. Everything you do is so beautiful and powerful and, don’t even get me started on your looks because I could talk all day. If you’re enough for yourself, then you’re far more than enough for me.”

You knew you were crying by the time he finished speaking, his hands had began flailing to hammer in just how specific he was being, his eyes shifting all around the room. When he finally looked back at you, a soft and shy smile turned the corners of his mouth up, his hands moving to swipe your tears away.

“Happy tears?” He checked, stooping his head down lower so he could finally look into your eyes again.

You nodded at him, a laugh falling past your lips, your head dropping further into his palm pressed to your cheek, “Happy tears,” you confirmed softly.

A bright smile lit up his features as he leant himself upwards slightly, his hand resting on your jaw bringing you close enough that your noses were touching, lips hanging centimetres apart from one another. “I know you say I don’t have to this anymore,” he began, making a laugh tumble past your lips again, “but, you know, can I kiss you?”

You nodded, your lips falling from their smile as he pressed his own against yours. The kiss was soft, his lips moving slowly and sweetly against yours as he dropped a single hand from your face to grab at one of the hands laid flat against his chest, curling his fingertips back around it. You felt his lips move upwards into a small as you squeezed his hand in response, you mirroring his action as he tightened his hand around yours in response.

[alvacchi]

SCENARIO: Susan at Lambda

Yes it’s more Susan! I love her haha.

@letty-mare (I heard you wanted more Susan fanfics so I thought I’d tag)

This has no relation to any of my previous scenarios of Susan. Without further ado, enjoy! :D

[Spoilers up to Ch 129 and A Letter From Norman Chapter 3!]

---

[Isabella and Susan walk down the pathway to the gate. Susan is all dressed up, carrying her briefcase and with one hand clutching onto the miçanga on her wrist. She was leaving her siblings behind. She didn’t dare look back. It was time to meet her foster parents. They arrived outside of the gate.]  

Isabella: Please wait in this room for a little bit.

Susan: ? [Once they open the door, an adult man awaits them there.]

??: Good evening. It's a pleasure to meet you Susan.

Isabella: Did we keep you waiting long sir?

??: No, it's fine. I just arrived a bit earlier.

Isabella: Susan, this is your new daddy Mr. Ratri.

Susan: I-it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Ratri!

Ratri: Haha, just call me by my name. I'm Peter. Peter Ratri. If it's alright with you, I'd like you to help me with my research.

Susan: Research?

.

.

[They were sitting in a van as they drive to another plantation that was similar to Grace Field. The plantation comes into sight.]

Susan: Is this my new home?

Peter Ratri: Yes. You’ll be working with other people here. I'm a busy man so I’ll be dropping you off here.

Susan: Huh…

[They arrive at the entrance of the farm.]

Peter Ratri: Have fun.

[As soon as the door closes, she was grabbed by many Lambda scientists and cuffed immediately.]

Speakers: Experiment 98184 has arrived. Proceed to the waiting room.

Susan: What?!

[Had she been lied to? Did Ray know about this? Why were her suspicions so late to the game?]

[As they forced her to walk down the hallway, she took note of everything around her. What she witnessed was a mess so horrid she couldn’t tell if some of them were human anymore. Lots of dead disfigured corpses lay on tables and many sharp dissecting tools were displayed on plates. She felt like throwing up.]

[There were demons and humans together wearing lab coats. Worm-like creatures were even working in these parts. She shuddered. She’s been reminded of her time back at Grace Field when Emma wanted to feed Ner some earthworms. She misses that place. She misses her siblings already.]

[Susan now stands in a waiting room with a bunch of deformed people. A little boy with black hair looking around the age of 6 tugs at the corner of her sleeve.]

Susan: ?

??: Sister, this place...what are they going to do to us?

Susan: ‘Someone who looks normal! But at such a young age, he’s already witnessing all of this…He looks like a younger version of Ray...’

[Despite the ugliness surrounding them, Susan couldn’t help a warm smile on her face from looking at him.]

I wish I knew…

??: Sister?

Susan: You look kinda like someone I know. My name’s Susan. What’s your name?

Jason: Jason.

Susan: What a lovely name!

Jason: Mama once told me that my name means to cure! I hope that one day we’ll escape this awful place with everyone else. And then maybe I’ll get to live up to my name and make everyone healthy again!

Susan: ‘I doubt that...but I wish to support him’

Yeah! Let’s find a way to escape. Don’t worry. I promise I’ll protect you.

[Some of the scientists arrived and dragged Susan and Jason away from each other. They were heading to different rooms.]

Jason: Susan!

Susan: Jason! [Her face grows pale as she watches him disappear into the corner. Dread swells up in her chest in fear for him.]

.

.

Some time has passed since then.

How long has it been?

What time was it now? What year?

She couldn’t remember.

[The Lambda scientists who came to visit gave her some shots of a mysterious drug. She wasn't sure what they did. Her body didn't seem to have any physical changes.]

[She found herself staring at her miçanga during those injections.]

Susan: ‘I wonder how those three are doing at Grace Field...’ 

[A realization struck her then. What if the three have been shipped and sent to a plantation like this? She starts panicking as a scientist came to check in on her.]

Susan: Hey! Do you know Grace Field? Please, I want to go visit! Let me know that my family there is safe!

Lambda scientist: What is 98184 saying? Family? What is that?

Susan: …!

‘No way...they don’t even know what a family is?’

Susan: Let me go! I need to get out of here! I’m not going to help with any of your so-called research!

Lambda scientist: Stupid cattle! Behave!

[Another Lambda scientist shows up.]

Lambda scientist 2: Don't handle it too roughly. It’s the most successful experiment we have in this farm.

Lambda scientist: Shut up! [The scientist realizes something before an evil grin makes its way to his face.] You know what? This is perfect timing. Let me show it something.

[He drags Susan to another room where Susan gasped in horror.]

[Jason was hanging above some demons by a rope tied around his waist, the remainder of the rope held by one of the scientists.]

Jason: No..! Someone...help me…!

Susan: Jason?!

Jason: Susan!

Lambda scientist: Hoh~ you guys know each other? That’s better then! This cattle has gotten sick and providing treatment for low-quality merchandise isn’t worth it. So we just feed it to the lower demons.

We'll teach you this is what happens to you cattle children!

[The scientist lowers the rope for Jason’s feet to be near the demons’ mouths. One of them snaps at him, almost managing to take a bite of him.]

Jason: AAAAAAAA!

Susan: STOP IT! [She tries to bang the shackles off her feet and arms.]

Lambda scientist: It’s no use. Those shackles were specially made to handle strong cattle children like you.

Susan: ! ‘What can I do?! I promised I’d protect him!’

Lambda scientist: That’s enough teasing. Cut it off! [They cut the rope off for Jason to fall onto the floor, vulnerable to all the hungry demons.]

Susan: ‘NO!’

[Susan immediately does a huge flip into the air towards where Jason and the demons are.]

‘My body feels as light as a feather!’

Lambda scientist: Wha-!

Susan: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! [She smashes the shackle on her feet into pieces the moment she lands near Jason. She also uses brute force to pull herself free from the handcuffs.]

‘I feel power surging through me…! I’m stronger than before!’

[Not a moment to waste, she leaps at the demons with her extraordinary strength. The drugs she was given seemed to have enhanced the strength in her arms and legs and with her reflexes, she killed the demons one by one. She manages to finish the last demon off before going over to Jason and untying the leftover rope. Jason hugs her and cries.]

Susan: [hugs Jason back] Don’t worry. I’m here now.

Lambda scientist: What is this! Cattle children should stay cattle! You’re nothing but cattle, 98184!

Susan: My name is Susan! And I’m not cattle. I’m a human being, unlike you guys!

[She lets go of Jason and walks up to the Lambda scientist. The scientist falls and trembles before her in fear.]

Lambda scientist: ! I-I understand! It’s only natural that you want to kill me!

[screeches in terror] P-please! I don’t want to die!

[Susan extends her hand out to the scientist.]

Susan: Give me the key.

Lambda scientist: Hah?

Susan: I’m going to free all the cattle children here.

Lambda scientist: What! You feel bad for them?!

[Susan stomps on the ground near the scientist, creating a hole between them and the scientist to jolt.]

Susan: Give it.

[The scientist reluctantly gives the key.]

Susan: Don’t you ever lay a finger on my family again.

[She then walks away from the scientist and heads to where Jason is.]

Lambda scientist: ... [smirks as they take a gun hidden in their clothes and aims it at Susan]

Jason: SUSAN! WATCH OUT!

Susan: !

[Before he could shoot her, Zazie comes swooping in and killing him on the spot. A couple explosions occurred and other people appeared before them. Among them a tall cloaked man stood as the leader.]

Susan: Nor..man? Is that you?

Norman: Susan? You’re alive?

Barbara: Somebody you know, boss?

Susan: I can’t believe it. Wait where are Ray and Emma? The others?

Norman: I’m not sure. But it’s possible they have escaped successfully.

[Susan felt relieved at his words. Jason suddenly collapses as the adrenaline from his fear wears off. Susan panics and realizes Jason’s condition.]

Susan: Norman! Please help Jason. He’s very sick!

Norman: Don’t worry! We have medicine on us. Everything’s going to be alright now.

Susan: Thank goodness...I’m glad to see you again Norman.

[timebird84]

🎄 PotO Advent Calendar ‘18🎄

Evergreen - by @a-partofthenarrative

Christine had always dreamed of seeing New York at Christmas.

Now that she resided only miles from the City, instead of oceans as she had before, nearly all of her wiles for the month of November had been exhausted in attempts to convince the very stubborn object of her affections to indulge her whims for a day.

“As if I fail to do so already?” had been his dry reply before he issued another fervent denial. “I am sorry, my love,” he supplied mere moments later, tone softening slightly around the edges. “I fear this is as far as I dare to venture into the world around me.”

She knew very well his reasons for declining (and acknowledged the validity of such), but that did not stop a petulant frown from creeping across her full lips at his explanation. Seeing her displeasure, Erik had sunken into the armchair across from her and offered his solution. “Why don’t you and Gustave go on your own, hmm? Take Gangle and perhaps Ms. Fleck? Something tells me they would have no objection to shirking their duties for a day. I shall send for them at once!”

And with that, the matter had been settled, leaving Christine with myriad conflicting emotions. Still, she hoped to make her presence here a bit more...permanent and it was with that hope that she dutifully repressed her objections and agreed to her Angel’s alternate plans as they were quickly set in stone.

Still, stone can be cracked. And, sure enough, the one that delivered the final chaotic blow happened to be none other than a certain precocious ten-year-old.

Was it only just this morning that the house was in such uproar? She had been sitting at the vanity in her rooms, attempting to tame her mass of brown curls when the discordant shout began to echo through the house.

“Maman!”

“Christine!”

Two of the voices she loved most in this world, so similar in their honeyed clarity and tone. Yet today, they sounded like nothing of the sort. One was high-pitched and joyful, the other dark and disapproving. Both held a slightly whiny quality that both parties would emphatically deny. Allowing herself a slight chuckle at that thought, she set her brush aside as the door to her room flew open and a fleeting ball of energy was launched nearly into her lap.

“Maman, make him listen!” Large brown eyes identical to her own stared up at her, imploring her to his cause.

Christine set him back on his feet as she asked, “Make whom listen to what, Gustave?”

Her question was answered only second later when the third party strode into the room, dressed only in trousers and shirtsleeves the visible side of his face flushed in barely-leashed panic. “Christine,” His dulcet voice was deceptively calm as he came to a stop behind Gustave, hands folded together at the small of his back. “Are you aware of the madness that your son is proposing?”

Christine stared up at him before returning her attention to the boy’s expectant gaze. “Would one of you be so kind as to tell me what on earth is going on?”

Gustave needed no further prompting, but his father was faster. “Allow me, my dear.” Ignoring the boy’s accusing stare, Erik moved to the end of Christine’s bed, taking a seat on the edge. “It seems our young friend here wishes us to partake in the tradition of the Christmas holiday.”

She blinked. “And?”

“And,” he continued, hunching forward and bringing bony elbows to rest on his knees. “Are you aware that such tradition involve bringing coniferous vegetation from out of doors inside, filling it’s branches with ostentatiously shiny objects and displaying it for the better part of the lunar cycle? The mere thought of it is insanity!”

“We’ve always had a Christmas tree,” Gustave noted, his chin lifting in challenge. “Why should this year be any different?”

“He’s right,”, Christine smiled, placing a comforting hand on her son’s arm. “It’s tradition. Besides, is it really that terrible of an idea? It might make this feel a little more like home.”

Erik bristled slightly at her words. “Be that as it may, it is wholly impractical.”

Christine’s smile was both indulgent and apologetic. “Christmas is hardly meant to be practical, Erik.”

Gustave’s huffed, a triumphant smirk pulling at this lips. The expression was such a smaller version of her beloved that Christine tried quite unsuccessfully to hide her smile. If only they could see how alike they were at times.

Thankfully, neither seemed to take notice at this particular moment. Instead, Erik sighed as he worked long fingers over his brow. “Let us suppose that for a moment I agree to this outrageous display --which I have not yet!-- there remains another matter to be settled.”

She exhaled. “And that is?”

This time it was Gustave who won the race to answer. “I told Mr. Y that we need to find the perfect tree and chop it down ourselves.”

“To which I replied I have a bevy of staff that could take care of such matters, should they be necessary.” Erik retorted, “Which it is not.”

“Yet,” Gustave supplied, earning him an exasperated sigh from his father.

With a slight shake of her head, Christine turned to the boy. “Gustave, even if Mr. Y agrees to the tree, why do you feel the need to chop it down? You’ve never done that before. The servants always saw to that.” Across the room, she could almost see Erik tense at the mention of her life before arriving in Coney Island.

Gustave dropped his eyes to the floor at her words, acknowledging their truth  with a tilt of his head. “I know. It’s just…”

“What, sweetheart?” Christine asked. “What is it?.”

“Go on, Gustave,” Erik prompted, his voice soft and soothing as it used to be in Christine’s lessons.

“Didn’t you used to go with your father, Maman?”

“Yes, Gustave. When I was very young. Before we came to Paris.”

“Well…” The boy glanced at Erik, then flitted his gaze to his mother. “I just...remember the stories you used to tell me. How you and mofar used to go deep into the woods each year to find the perfect tree and how happy and excited you used to be for that to come. I just thought that maybe now that I had my father, we could do it too,” He glanced back at Erik with a shrug of his small shoulders. “But if you don’t want to…”

Erik leapt to his feet as he met Christine’s wide eyes. “Gustave, that is not at all why I don’t…”

“Gustave,” She forced a tight smile.” “Would you do something for me, cherie? Please go and find Ms. Fleck. Tell her that I’m nearly ready to leave. Can you do that?” When he hesitated, she added. “I just need to speak to Mr. Y alone for a few moments. We will resume this discussion very soon, I promise.”

Her son’s face was doubtful, but he nodded obediently and scampered from the room. The moment the door shut behind him, Christine was on her feet and inches from the former Opera Ghost. “Erik, he’s your son, for God’s sakes. Are you truly going to deny him of this?”

“Do you think I want to refuse him? Of course not. There is nothing I want more!” He shuddered before her and she felt her heart break a little for his sake. “Christine, if I were any other man…”

“If you were any other man, you would not be who you are.” she replied. Taking his hand, she led him back to the foot of her bed and indicated that he sit. Joining him, she attempted a wobbly smile. “Erik, he’s your son. He just wants to be with you.”

“I’ve already missed so much…” he mused. “But...my face….all of the people…”

“You do realize where you will be if you do go, don’t you?” Christine asked, a touch of humor coloring her voice. “There won’t be another soul for miles unless you are worried about whatever opinion the wildlife might have of you. Christmas trees do not grow in the middle of a city, my love. I understand why you will not accompany me there. I do not like it,” This with a pointed, playful glare in his direction, “but I do understand it.”

“So I am to be at the mercy of Mother Nature and her cruelties once more?”

“Only if you fear hers more than mine,” With an encouraging smile and squeeze of his hand, she pressed on. “I know all of this is new to you. But if you truly desire to be a ‘normal man’ as you put it, taking Gustave for a Christmas tree is a good way to start.”

Erik glanced down at he. “Did your father truly take you every year?”

“Every year,” she confirmed with a nod, meeting his eyes with a melancholy grin “When Mother died, we were all each other had. Even after the Professor and Mama Valerius took us in, I always looked forward to spending that time alone with Papa.”

She chuckled as the moments sprang forward, one by one to the forefront of her memory. “I always managed to choose the tallest, biggest evergreen I could seem to find.  And oh, were there choices.” His responding half-smile urged her on. “I remember one Christmas, I don’t know- perhaps I was around eight at the time? Regardless, I was set on finding the grandest tree anyone would ever have the privilege of seeing.”

The visible brow climbed higher. ‘And were you successful in your quest, my dear?”

She laughed outright this time. “Quite so. The tree I selected must have stood at least five times my height. Being who he was, Papa indulged me and the Professor followed his lead. If I remember correctly, word was sent for assistance from the servants. When all was send and done, i think it took about seven men to bring that tree down.”

Erik gave and indignant snort. “Let us hope your son is now prone to the same flights of fancy as his mother.”

“Don’t be such grouch,” she admonished with a slightly reproachful glare in his direction.

He met her glare. “Do not treat me as if I am a child, Christine.”

“Then do not act like one,” she retorted, chin lifting.

Coloring slightly under her censure, Erik gave an indignant “hmpf” and adjusted his posture, attempting to work the tightness out of his neck as he motioned for her to continue. Christine rolled her eyes, but complied, moving behind him on her knees and began to work out the kinks in his shoulders with surprising strength. “In any event, somehow we managed to eventually haul the thing back to estate. Mama Valerius nearly had a stroke when she saw us coming up the drive with it in tow, but like Papa and the Professor, could not find it in her heart to turn it away.”

“Yes, you seems to have that effect, don’t you,” Erik muttered, even as his eyes fell closed under her ministrations.

Her fingers stilled. “If you keep on with your comments, you can do this yourself.”

“Unheard of. My deepest thanks for you, ange,” he groaned, rolling his shoulders, prompting her to resume her work. “And my sincerest apologies.”

Christine huffed, but began again moving her hands to his back and suppressing a chuckle at his moan of approval. His back arched sharply a moment later when her fingers found a particularly large and difficult knob between his shoulder blades, and she ducked in order to avoid knocking heads. “How long as it been since you’ve tended to these knots in you back?”

He shrugged artlessly. “Would it truly surprise you to learn that you are the first person I’ve allowed to touch me so intimately?”

Point taken. She increased her pressure as he added. “Please, continue with your story.”

It was her turn to shrug. “There is not that much more to tell, if I am being honest. Papa, the Professor were able to muscle the tree into the grand foyer, albeit with some help from the staff. I was promptly sent to bed as it was already dark by the time we arrived back and the festivities continued the next morning with decorations as they did every year.”

“The house must have been massive to fit such a thing.”

Feeling the knot loosening under her head, Christine smiled her approval. “Eventually, she conceded, then added with a laugh. “Although I did hear some of the kitchen servants whispering about how the stable hands had to chop off a good two feet before morning in order for it to stand upright in the parlor.”

Erik chuckled slightly at that. “How disappointed you must have been.”

She answered with a shake of her head. “Quite the contrary.” Her fingers moved in small, soothing circles over this shoulders and back as she spoke. “I felt nothing but wide-eyed wonder when I pranced into the parlor the next day to see that majestic tree in all of its glory and knowing that I had been the one to pick it out of thousands of others. My father trusted me, of all people to make that very important decision.”

Erik relaxed under her hands when she stilled them on his shoulders. “That is what I want for Gustave,” she confessed, wrapping an arm around his neck from behind and resting her forehead against his hair as his hand came up to cover hers.. “For him to know that joy and to cherish the time and memories you shall make with him.”

With a deep sigh, Erik tilted his head back, his gemstone eyes catching her brown ones, following her as she eased off of the bed and tucked herself back into his side. “Do you really think I am ready to be his father, Christine?”

“Ready or not, darling, you already are,” she reminded him, placing one hand on his thigh and gently lifting herself over his lap to press her lips to his exposed cheek. “I know you care for him.”

“He is a part of you and I,” Erik’s eyes now shone with unshed tears as she placed a hand alongside his face. “How could I not?”

“The very best parts,” Christine agreed, drawing his head down to her lips and allowing herself the quiet moment and a stolen kiss.  “Now,” she commanded, pulling away and smoothing the wrinkles out of his shirtsleeves. “Go tell your son that his father has had a change of heart.”

“He has!?” Christine followed Erik as he rose from the bed, taking advantage of his height to hide her smile in his shoulder. In the doorway, Gustave practically beamed up at the taller man. “Is it true, Mr. Y?”

Erik glanced back at Christine, but forced a slight smile to his face at her warning stare. “So it would seem,” he muttered, more to himself than the boy. Christine’s elbow connecting with his ribcage forced some of the brightness back into his voice. “Right. Shall we be off then, Gustave?”

With an undignified whoop, Gustave leapt in the air, nearly bowling over Ms. Fleck, who had stood silently behind him watching the exchange with undisguised interest. Christine met the smaller woman’s gaze and the two shared a secret smile at the thought of the mysterious master of the house traipsing through the deep woods with a small boy for hours on end.

Still, said master squared his newly-loosened shoulders and declared the boy to follow him. “We shall need our warmest coats, of course. After you retrieve yours, Gustave, please find Gangle and Mr. Squelch. I imagine we will be in need of their assistance on this endeavor as well. Meanwhile, I will speak to the stable master about readying the sleigh.” Glancing down at his son, Erik attempted a true smile that nearly made Christine’s heart burst. “I promise you, my boy, this shall be a day you will not soon forget.”

In all of the excitement, Christine realized Erik must have forgotten Dr. Gangle’s prior commitment to accompany her to the City. But one look at father and son quickly extinguished any prick of disappointment she may have felt. In that moment, Gustave gazed up at the former Phantom as if he held the sun, moon, and stars in his hands.

Her smile grew. Perhaps he did.

Erik’s smile had tightened slightly, unused to such open adoration, but one glance back to see the encouraging slight of her head was all the prompting he needed to place a gentle hand on Gustave’s back as they ascended the stairs.

Next to her, Ms. Fleck knit her brows together and let out a chuff of surprise. “I would pay big money to see the Master chop down a tree.”

Christine chuckled despite herself. “In all honesty, I would too.” The confession was a conspiratorial stage-whisper and brought a full laugh from her unlikely friend. “But we have other things we must be about today.”

Ms. Fleck glanced up at her. “Such as.”

Christine was already halfway to the closet as she answered. “I certainly have no plans to sit home while the men have all of the fun, do you?”  A determined smile bloomed on her lips as she indicated for the other woman to follow her. “After all, a tree does need decorations and I hear that Manhattan has some of the best.”

[megatentious]

My lengthy defense of the most hated Persona game

Here’s my grand defense for the most hated game in the series: Persona 1, AKA Revelations: Persona. I know it’s too late to try and rehabilitate the game’s reputation on the internet, but I’m hoping that by rambling in modestly structured form for a bit, at least some folks might be able to look at Persona with a fresh perspective. It would be cool if everyone could try to understand what the game did so well and why it resonated so strongly with me and 2 or so other people. If you are the kind of person that thinks games age and become archaic, then I probably don’t have any hope of reaching you, but still, try to put yourself in the right mindset and approach the game on its own terms, and maybe you’ll discover something quite special.

So, Persona. Persona does very interesting things with choice. As the first Megaten rpg released in America, the negotiation system was a revelation (har har), providing the choice to talk your way out of battles and into rewards is a natural D&D element that never got a foothold in countless videogame conversions of the game, and in the first Persona these elements are at their peak. With every demon having four moods, four series of animation and four sets of voiced sound effects, the expanded options really let you get into the headspace of the demons you’re conversing with, unlike traditional SMT’s more spare binary system. Getting into the thick of things with complex sets of reactions (Joy + Interest, that’s what’s up) makes for a fun simulation.

The theme of choice is also really built into the game’s fabric, it’s the reason why in old usenet postings, Persona was recommended to folks who were fans of Gold Box games, during a time when RPG labels were more porous and that sneaky “J” hadn’t yet latched itself omnipresently to the term. Choice here also extends to the fifth character in your party, a friendly way to promote replay value without new game plus, and certain choices locking you out of giant chunks of the game, an unfriendly way of getting you through the game again. In a world though where developers are desperate to ensure that gamers experience all content (so many buzzwords!), the chutzpah of Persona being willing to lock you out of huge swathes of the game is something I actually admire.

It’s easy to underestimate the impact of the modern day setting in a post Persona 3/TWEWY/Alpha Protocol world, but dungeons that were hospitals and police stations and high school students snarling “EAT THIS” with MIGs in pitched street battles felt revelatory. Exploring the comically low-rent polygonal city (is this another reference to the abstracted icons of SMT1 and 2 world maps?) was actually fun, as ridiculous as waiting for traffic to pass might seem. There are also many complaints about the first person perspective dungeons, even though the rest of the game is third person, but the setting variety is nice and many of the wall patterns are quite evocative (Deva Yuga looks like Persepolis!)

The game also does PSX-era philosophizing in a tasteful and generally thoughtful way, while contemporaries were drawing from Evangelion, Persona looked to Zhuangzi and Jung. Not very high-falutin, true, but at least middle brow enough such that my 14 year old Sophie’s World reading self was entranced. The game has something neat to say about loneliness and identity and the way we construct the world around ourselves (all hinted at in the moody intro. The story is very nice and very Kaneko, even if he’s overestimating the literary quality in this interview, I’m very fond of it and it is my franchise favorite.

Here’s where I alienate the remaining people who might have been on board with me so far: if you ignore the loss of the Snow Queen Quest, a 20 hour alternate version of the story that takes place in a series of SMT:If... like towers, Revelations: Persona is actually the superior game. “Lunarvale,” a hodgepodge of America and Japan cobbled together by localizers attempting to mask the game’s origins, is actually more weird and interesting than the Mikage-cho that appears in Persona PSP. This bizarre mashup, combined with a nonsense translation attempt, somehow manages to better fit the lurid dreamscape vibe the original developers were going for. I can’t undersell how one-of-a-kind and wonderfully unsettling the game’s atmosphere is in the PSX version, and this is helped along of course by the sound.

Here are excerpts from some things I wrote on the music in this game:

Revelations: Persona has the best soundtrack in the franchise, possibly the best soundtrack ever made. In raw quantitative terms it's ridiculous, 113 songs and 3 hours of music without being looped, and all without doing Persona 2's trick of repeated (but still awesome!) remixes. Two majorly sweet leitmotifs for the two major quests, employed creatively and thoughtfully, four fantastic composers on four discs, cohesive and thematically coherent when by all rights it should feel disjointed as fuck, this is a generous OST!

Hidehito Aoki (R.I.P.) composed the dungeon music, which is exquisite. Lengthy songs that are moody, elegant, just plain beautiful and get you PUMPED! The iconic Deva Yuga Monochrome: School Revisited Dream-like, synthy, catchy, beautiful, quintessential Persona sound. Pandora's Den (Deepmost Area): The climax at 1:12! Ice Castle/Black Snow The twists and turns in this one, so effing good. Sebek Music, Karma Palace 90's music is the best!!! Misaki Okibe's range is ridiculous, she composed some of the most memorable, interesting tracks in the whole game. Reverse Dream World: You think you have this song figured out in the first few seconds, but stick around to see where it suddenly veers off to around :30, hilarious and awesome. Theme of Nemurin's Love: The intro! The power of a simple lovely melody, a little Uematsu-esque. Augustia's Wood: The save music, so memorable, I love the grumbling. City 2 Accident: Do you remember wandering the streets in the town, disoriented, listening to this gorgeousness, thinking about how Lunarvale suddenly seemed so scary, like an unsettling dream? Bar Attacked by Harem Queen: A bit of jazzy beauty. And most important of all of course, Misaki Okibe is the composer of the Pharmacy Music, featuring vocals by one Hidehito Aoki of all people. Satomi Tadashi Drugstore Song In our heads forever, teaching us about item use since 1996. 

More alienating for readers who have gotten this far: the “whitewashing” character designs were all improvements, Kazuma Kaneko redrew everything himself and it’s easy to tell that a lot of thought was put into the redesigns. Finally, Mark is also >>>> Masao, everyone’s always yelling about the jive-talking but to me he came across as quite smart and savvy. I dunno, maybe this is just a Flavor of Love/Outsourced minorities just wanna see themselves effect operating here, leave me alone you guys! So yes, the franchise’s current fanbase might not be fond of them, but the cast is comprised of characters that are meant to be iconic and not friends you wish you had in real life, a cast that, FFVI-like, is meant to evoke broader themes and not follow the typical arcs of many RPGs these days. Check out the classiness of Yuki’s design, and allow me to quote some more stuff on how Tsuchiya, master of the character theme, nails it for each party member.

The sign of a good character theme is when you can extrapolate from instrument choice and melody to personality. Here Tsuchiya is the man, no one does it better this side of Uematsu. I hear these songs and I've got a perfect picture in my mind of each cast member. It's what I think of when I think of "videogame music" ha, here are my personal favorites, I could listen to these endlessly. Mary/Maki: Cheerful, just a hint of melancholy in the notes, love that slap bass. Yuki: Starts a bit slow, but soon we learn that Yuki's cool but determined. Alana: The song tells me she's brassy, energetic, fun. Chris/Reiji: Dangerous, exciting, a bad-ass delinquent. Ellen/Elly: Classy, elegant, confident.

Some also rag on the dungeon design, but it seems unfair to expect centerpiece labyrinths along the lines of Strange Journey or Etrian Odyssey in a game going for something completely different. Nevertheless, you’ve got tricky mazes with dead ends that test resource allocation skills and provide a sense of accomplishment. Encounters are tough and require thought, careful consideration of when to flee and negotiate is imperative for dungeon survival. This is something that gets lost a bit in the PSP remake as the encounter rate is increased but battles are a bit easier. Exploiting elemental weaknesses isn’t as elegant as in later games, but with a ludicrously high 14 damage types breadth supersedes depth. And there’s even a positioning system to consider that the developers decided to drop from later games rather than refine. In the end, surviving the dungeon and beating the boss is an RPG staple that just plain works, although yes you will probably grit your teeth at some of the loading times.

And finally, you don’t have to take my random word for it. Parish really liked it too! How’s that for an appeal to authority?

For series buffs, it’s fun to trace this game’s historical lineage, as one of the earlier spinoffs of Shin Megami Tensei, it's easy to spot the mainline series influence: the occultism of the opening ritual, the hospital as first dungeon, the first person perspective for dungeon travel, BLUE POINTER MAN, and the omnipresent danger of demons in town and dungeon alike. Revelations: Persona is drawing from a rich and storied history, but manages to recast SMT traditions in interesting new directions. Again, the atmosphere is really unbelievable and something I haven’t come across in other games. It’s more than a simple curiosity and it doesn’t deserve dumb dismissal or sneering derision for its flaws. Revelations: Persona is a real marvel, modern games ought to draw more inspiration from its lessons, and the game belongs in the RPG canon, there I said it!

[a-pandoras-box-of-stories]

Light Lost : Chapter two.“Contemplation.”

Notes: This is (another) version of a story that I have been trying to write for a few years now - I think this might be finally the last one. I’ve been submitting it to this blog, under this prompt, if you’d like to look there. Or, on AO3, here.

Any and all friendly feedback would be welcome! <3

Rating: Should be fine for everyone so far.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … .

The rest of the evening prior, was spent with Emily getting to know the person that she’d let into her home. It was interesting - something in her made her feel like she might know him from somewhere. Though she knew it to be impossible; surely, she’d remember someone so nice. Someone who she enjoyed being around so much.

When at last she convinced Loki that she didn’t mind if he slept in her room and she slept in the living room - as she’d been doing anyway, since the wreck that put her sister in the hospital - Emily drifted off, into a troubled sleep. Too tired and sore to wake herself up, Emily woke up the next morning with a small headache - and a large heartache. She missed her sister, and it was weighing her down a lot. She made an effort to hide this, though, and went to the kitchen to make some things for breakfast once she remembered that she had someone else here aside from herself, who would need to eat. Even if she herself didn’t.

Humming to herself softly, Emily pulled a chair up to the side of the counter, and got up on it so she could check to see what she had in the cabinets. There wasn’t going to be much, that much she already knew, but she was going to need to try, anyway. All she found was stuff for homemade pancakes. She pulled the box out, checked the date, and thought it over. If everything else was still good, Emily decided that this wouldn’t be such a bad thing for breakfast. She’d made them many times when Rayna was still here, and had been asked to never stop because she liked them so much. A pain hit Emily’s chest when she remembered her promise to her sister: It was not a promise kept. With someone else here in need of being fed, Emily saw no better time to try and keep her promise to her sister again.

She was just getting everything else out, when she heard her dog barking excitedly and jumping around. Before she could call out to see if Loki was awake now, he appeared and was standing  in the doorway to the kitchen. “Good morning,” he started and offered her a small smile - apparently amused to see her standing on the counter to reach her unusually high-up cabinets.

A shade of pink crossed her face, a bit embarrassed to be caught doing this; Emily brushed her hair out of her face and tried to offer a smile in return.

“Um..good morning, Loki.. Did you..” she cleared her throat. “Did you sleep alright?”

Her concern is so apparent, that Loki decides not to tell her the truth - that he had had trouble sleeping - and smiles at her pleasantly instead. “I did,” he nods to Emily, glad to see her smile back at him.

“Oh, good.” Emily answered him, and looked back into the cabinet for a moment. “You don’t..have any allergies, do you?” she asked, glancing over at Loki. “I’m..um.. I am going to make us some pancakes..I hope that’s alright,” she added, only to be greeted with another nod in return.

“Not that I know of. And that would be fine,” Loki paused. “Do you need any help?” he rose a brow, The slight worry that she might fall and injure herself when trying to get down, lingering in the back of his mind.

“I..” Emily looked around, biting her lower lip. Getting down from the counter with what she had still safely in hand; might be difficult, she decided. “I think I might, yes..If you don’t mind.”

A look of ‘if I minded, I wouldn’t have offered,’ which caused her to blush even further. A soft laugh left him, though, since she looked so cute.

“It’s alright. Here,” Loki said, moving over by the chair that she’d climbed up on, and holding his hand out to her. Emily took his hand, and carefully climbed down.

Having managed not to spill or drop any of what she had with her, Emily set it out on the counter, and moved the chair. Pulling her hair back, she washed her hands, and went to grab the dishes that she would need to make their breakfast.

“Alright..so..if I remember right..” Emily muttered, mostly to herself. Her brow furrowed lightly, and she thought about it for a moment. “Oh, right. I need this..two of these, a measuring cup, and..a plate.”

Once certain that she had everything that she needed, Emily went to get started. She stopped, though, when she saw that Loki was also washing his hands now. Emily rose an eyebrow, and tilted her head. “What’re…you doing?”

“Helping?”

“Oh,” Emily blinked. “Well, you don’t have to, if you don’t want to..I mean, I wasn’t expecting you to, or anything..”

Most of what she said ended up turning to a sort-of-mutter. She eventually fell quiet, evoking a sigh from Loki. There were several more instances like this, before Emily finally calmed down.

From his point of view, it had to of been the dry pancake mix that they started tossing at each other. From her point of view, it was his smile.

…

The trip to the library was different than expected.

Walking there made Emily’s feet sore. Getting there was awkward at first, but became more interesting as they looked through the books and discussed their favorite genres. Emily trying to get a book on her own, resulting in the ladder breaking and her falling on Loki when he tried to help her down first. Her endless apologies on the matter…reassuring her that it was fine, he’d been hurt worse before. And then Emily being worried about that.

On the way home, carrying so many books. Offering Emily his coat, when she looked like she was too cold. It was like they had known each other for years - not merely a day or so. Neither of them could be happier.

Later on in the day, Emily fell asleep with one of her books in hand still; head on Loki’s shoulder. She’d fallen asleep in one of her favorite parts of the book, but it was late. Emily was sore. It made sense that she would drift off, even despite that.

Not wanting to wake her up, Loki stayed where he was and let her rest. As she slept, he thought back on what he’d found before he had even come here. Finding her hadn’t been easy, and now that he finally had.. He had no idea how to even try to tell her. True, she loved to read about such things - that much, he’d gathered from what kind of books that she read. However, she didn’t believe in it. She’d made that abundantly clear by now, which made the idea of trying to tell her that he believed she was not only not human, but a part of a race which were highly adept in several kinds of magic..as well as being the only one left in existence..so much harder.

A slow sigh escaped Loki, as a frown crossed his lips. As much as he wanted to tell Emily, he just wasn’t sure how. Which was just that much more frustrating to him. At first, he thought that it could probably wait, since he had all the time he needed, really. Then, it occurred to him that since he was a guest in her home here, she might eventually wonder why he is sticking around so long.

It had seemed so simple, when he was in Asgard and had decided to come here to look for her. He had a plan, then. And now, without even knowing she’d even done it, Emily had completely derailed that plan. Simply by..being herself.

Now, he didn’t know what to do. The people he dealt with on a regular basis were nothing like her, which, in a way, made it easier to know what to expect from them. What he’d gathered from Emily so far, was that she was not one to gloat..about anything. In fact, she seemed the direct opposite: instead of being horrendously stuck on herself and always going on about all of her best qualities and the things that she’d done, Emily was quiet and far more reserved. On top of that..she seemed to think very little of herself. Something that he could relate to, quite well. Even if he did his best not to let on like it to anyone else.

As he thought, Emily shifted a little bit. She looked cold, so he took it upon himself to bring his jacket from across the room so he could place it over her. Since she was asleep, his using magic would be an easy thing. Easy, because she wouldn’t be able to see it and end up asking him a lot of questions.

Although he knew it wouldn’t always be like that, it was still nice for the moment.

Brushing her hair out of her face again, Loki let a small smile. For now, telling her could wait. He’d finally decided it. There was no need to rush, and ruin this. For now, he could let her sleep. Enjoy her company, and that of her two pets.

This was what he thought that he decided that he would do, anyway. Little did he know, that his mind was going to be changed very soon.

Next day soon.

[attract-mode-collective]

Exactly 79 Photos & Videos Concerning The Game Boy (plus other handhelds)

So... hope you’ve all been following me on Twitter, which is more or less the unofficial new home for Attract Mode. Mostly cuz Tumblr’s days are, alas, numbers, plus I haven’t warmed up to Medium as much as I had hoped to. Though I’ve actually spent the past two months republishing every single post that contains mainline Game Culture Snapshots, so it has remained somewhat useful at least.

Now, for a while there, I had been compiling every single thing tweeted. But because I’m now so damn active on that end… plus I’m busier than ever with other projects… I’m way behind with those digest posts, and the very idea of playing catch up legit gives me anxiety. Yet I have been sharing lots of cool things, which all deserve to be in the blog proper… and because a lot of them are specific to the Game Boy, I figure, why not just focus on that?

Like the above, which is a technique for producing full color photographs via the Game Boy Camera, and yet another thing that I can’t believe hasn’t made the rounds!

Sticking with Game Boy photography, here have a pair of mods that will greatly enhance picture quality. The first involves mounting SLR lens onto a Game Boy Camera (via ekeler.com)...

And the second has one shoving a Game Boy Camera into a SLR itself (via @MaxKriegerVG)...

As someone who was into video games as a kid, and also interested in photography, the Game Boy Camera was the first camera I was able to call my own. Am pretty sure this was the case for others as well?

I also remember seeing this ad in Nickelodeon Magazine (which I would eventually writer for, not too long later) and being absolutely gob smacked (via nintendroid.org)…

Though as much I loved Nintendo brand of FUNtography, I would quickly discover… as did everyone else I also assume… that taking pictures is serious business (via @PolandNintendo)…

Not only did I have a Game Boy Color, but I also had the Game Boy Printer (I still own both, for the record). Unfortunately my snapshots from Link’s Awakening have long since faded, but as with many things, you can find copies online (via gameandgraphics.com)…

Speaking of the world of print, coming soon is a handy guide to Nintendo handy game machine (via miki800.com)…

That one magazine ad featuring Princess Peach catch your eye as well? Well here’s a much better look at it (via suppermariobroth)…

I love handheld gadgets of all kinds, yet some of the popular ones confuse me. Like Hudson’s Shooting Watch; it makes no sense to have a gadget that can detect button presses without a game attached. Guess I’m not alone (via instagram.com/kazzycom)…

A realization I made while sifting through Game Boy related content is how popular the color yellow is with many. Cuz Pokemon? Anyhow, the final post from a blog that specializes in gorgeous photographs of gorgeous hardware, which I just brought up again very recently (via hard-aware)…

How your parents used to trade Pokemans online (via melonjaywalk)…

And no, Game Boys weren't the only things that one could connect to keitais ya know. And yes, Game Boys aren’t the only portables I’ll be showcasing (via anthony10000000)…

I own quite a few VMUs and am always looking to expand my collection… but nothing yellow, sorry. Instead, I want the one covered with dolphins (via anthony10000000)…

So my new favorites artist is Eri Kitamura, and not just cuz she makes pretty looking Game Boys…

She also makes pretty looking girls playing Game Boys (well, this one is technically listening to music)…

Was originally going to post the first thing from Eri that caught my eye, which is a Game Boy with a girl on it, but instead here’s a Game Boy with a girl on it playing a Game Boy…

Time for two more videos from the same individual responsible with the process for producing color photographs at the very top. And it’s what everyone has been waiting… specifically the backlit Game Boy Color mod everyone has been waiting for.

The process is detailed in this two-part video, and here’s the first one (it’s about 50 minutes long cuz spoilers: this shit ain’t easy)…

And here’s part two, which is ONLY 40-ish minutes long…

The author of the videos actually has a store, so if the process seems a bit too daunting, you can purchase a pre-modded unit for $250. Actually, this one is $260, cuz of the dual shells. Quite the price tag, yet somehow totally worth it (via instagram.com/esotericmods)…

Now might be a good time to mention how… remember that GBA with the GameCube finish from eBay a few months back? Well, I decided to get the one that resembles a Super Famicom, something I’ve been lusting over for years.

Well, here’s what the aforementioned seller had in his listing…

And this is what I got instead…

Yeah, that green shoulder button is not the right shade. After some complaining, I got the seller to admit that the one in the picture was hand painted; he didn’t know where it get ones that it’s exact color as on a Super Fami controller.

He also had a no refund policy, yet I bitched & moaned enough to warrant an exchange, for another Cube-esque model, one sans the stick. Cuz it’s comparatively boring to look at, here’s a version with the stick…

Again, mine just has the standard d-pad. As for my replacement… the colors of the A & B buttons are not an exact match, once again. But it’s close enough (am mostly just sick of dealing with that guy, aka johnnys_merchandise, whom you should all avoid btw), plus I have started to scour AliExpress for replacements.

BTW, my failure to obtain a modded handheld that channels another form of hardware has me wondering if I should go for something completely different instead (via instagram.com/wakuwakuisland)…

Up in the mountains, flower bloom amongst Game Boys & Game Boy Colors, whereas deep in the forest, you’ll find mushrooms and Game Boy Advances (via pxchinko)…

Some say memories are fuzzy, though for others, they're leafy (via lyosphe)…

I’ve looked all over for tinycartridge's original post, but no luck, so you can all instead have my personal copy of the earthy wallpaper that was shared years ago (and which I still to this very day)...

The Game Boy Micro, DS, and DS Lite are like family, and like siblings, there can the occasional squabble (via benkyo-es)…

@frankcifaldi: When I met this guy in 2003 and he told me he was going to make an extensive fan site about the Supervision, a Taiwanese Game Boy knockoff, I was like "sure dude." 15 years later he actually launched the thing??

Meanwhile, the Game & Watch Perfect Catalogue just came out, with the full low down on all 59 models. BTW, had no idea there were 59 in total until @ionadisco mentioned it…

How Game & Watches were sold in America; I fondly recalls this ad in-between the pages of Amazing/Spectacular/Web of Spider-Man (via suppermariobroth)…

And how Game Boys were sold in Japan, one day one apparently, which would explain this salesperson’s rather perplexed demeanor (via flashbak.com)…

Silly as it sounds, and as silly as he looks, the US version of Firebrand is nonetheless a warm & welcoming face from my childhood (via nintendometro)...

Mario dropping a knowledge bomb (via suppermariobroth)…

Here’s Peach seemingly kicking Toad’s ass in Super Mario Bros Deluxe, which I’ve been meaning to tweet for a while now, but now seems like the right time & place for obvious reasons (via nintendometro)…

A cute comic about someone finally beating a game after ten years, or at least I believe that's the case (you know, language barrier and all; via @desune593)

Sailor Moon seems to enjoy handheld gaming more so than in the arcades (via uglygreenjacket)…

It saddens me that ravages of time is robbing me of my precious memories, including the names of 90s anime, hence why I had to ask on Twitter who exactly is this (answer was Tenchi Muyo; via shxtfased)...

It’s SethEverman, just playing some pokemon blue…

Speaking of music, it again saddens me that I wasn’t about to make the trip to Japan to catch chiptunes at Square Sounds, and various associated venues. At least @bit_shifter_ took this great snapshot of Glomag at Cyberpunks Osaka…

Meanwhile, here in NYC, we actually still have record stores. And you can grab Josh’s latest release, his first in 12 years(!) at Rough Trade (via bit-shifter)…

Though back to Japan; attended Square Sounds would have also afforded me the chance to check out Tokyo Game Show, where I could have gotten that VMU shaped USB drive that was being sold at the Sega booth (via miki800)…

A few weeks before TGS, there was an earthquake in Japan, in northern island Hokkaido. Many were left without power, but one person was able to keep up with the news, thanks to an old DS peripheral that basically provides bunny ears (via kotaku.com)…

On a semi-related note, here’s someone watching old ECW VHS tapes on their Game Gear (via heavyelectricity)…

Sorry, but the only other thing I have that’s related to Sega’s Master System on the go is this gif from a pizza ranch salad dressing (yikes) commercial, which was cross-promoting Sonic Chaos (via sonicthehedgeblog)...

I have no idea why I'm so amused by this Getty Image of a Neo Geo Pocket that was confiscated at summer camp. Or perhaps no explanation is needed? (via hellomrkearns)…

Speaking of the Great Outdoors, here’s my buddy Steve enjoying some Mario Kart 8 in the middle of a forest (via instagram.com/vitaminsteve)…

And speaking of Mario Kart on the Switch, Bowser seems like a pretty cool dood to have a car trip (via suppermariobroth)…

The Switch is so beloved that people are doing fan art, not for any particular game but the simple the act of playing with it (via annazees)…

Granted, one of the best things about the Switch is all the different ways in which one can play (via kanekoshake)…

If you enjoy your Switch on the go and are looking for a way to store games… and are a diehard Breath of the Wild fan as well… plus if you have access to a 3D printer (via miki800.com)…

It’s a tribute to Star Wars… games… all of them… featuring Princess Leia focused on her DMG (via deviantart.com/robduenas)...

BTW, do you still have your Game Boy? If not, here ya go (via anthony10000000)…

When the realization hits that your Game Boy Color library is incomplete (via @Bootleg_Stuff)…

Back to my buddy Steve, who visited the Primark at the Staten Island mall and took pics of the game related apparel that, sadly, were no longer in stock by the time I was able to swing by. With the one thing I really wanted being this shirt…

This pair of Super Mario Land X Air Jordans is only $1,350.00 (via miki800.com)…

I’m sure you’ve seen him already, but for the sake of completion, here’s that grandpa from who rigged this bike with 11 phones to become a Pokemon Go master (via bbc.com)…

Yet another sign of our times, literally (via fuckdragonballz)…

This image features a PSP and a MacBook, both of which are from the mid-2000s, yet feels very late 1990s/early 2000s. Why? Those USB cables (via jcgraphix)…

And last but not least, here’s Paris Hilton with her DS in 2005 (via @ParisHilton)…

[x-exo]

Lolol I had st first thought maybe you were busy so I didn't send right away but then it was getting long with time so I tried once, then twice and another until I gave up thinking either the app doesn't like me or maybe I annoyed you djajdjajdsj BUT you made that post and I gasped. Quickly sent an ask which you got so yay!! *happy dances* i must ask how are you doing!? I hope well, I see you made another sideblog hehe. I support

Now onto our beans!! First monsta x, ahhhh just, perfection. Literally monsta x always delivers with perfect style and music. Legit if you want some mafia themes with some sxhmexy spice then monsta x is for you lol. I'm a bit sad to shownu didn't join the promos *sigh* but i understand! Hyungwon and jooheon did a great job covering his part (which I was surprised to hear their vocals because usually in my experience they would either lip sing to the backing track or leave the spot empty for the missing member so to hear them sing was a surprise!) No wins sadly but its alright, the boys did amazing nonetheless and am proud of them! Fjakdjak me with secrets as well. I'm bopping and am thinking 'wait, why do I understand what they are singing' then I noticed it was in English as well haha. Gambler is on repeat alot I just cannot get enough of it

Now onto exo, the kings. The legends, the boys are back *insert the boys are back from hsm3* this comeback is everything. I legit cannot say anything bad about the title track nor bsides, they are all great and fun to listen to! No skips, the fact they even worked on it to make it like a gift for the fans. I'm going to cry ndkajdja. CAN WE TALK ABOUT LAY VEING FULLY HERE LIKE !?!? HELLO MISTER LAY, WELCOME BACK! I legit thought this would be like tempo but worse because while news was saying a 'full' exo comeback, no news for lay for a while and while I was happy to see his teasers (forever am salty we only have one album of lay at all which is the jewel case version. I understand things might be tricky but still ya know?) I was fishy lol. I had no trust with sm but to our surprise we hear lay more properly. Sure he could have more lines but he isn't pulling an nct winwin so I'm not complaining!! I will take this over tempo lol. Apparently they shot the mv during minseok and his bday so that made me extra soft, exo won over butter so I'm happy dancing. As they should, as they should. Records were broken so all I can say is stan exo for a better life I guess.

Now seventeen!! Its finally comeback time so thoughts on the comeback? Ngl I at first didn't bop to ready to love, I feel bad because always their comebacks were ones I always enjoyed and liked right away but yet, this time around I watched the mv and listened to the song and was sitting there confused like ??? That was all, I felt a bit like there was something missing within the song but I couldn't tell what and it was bugging me for a week njdjajd. However, I had the song on repeat and it grew on me!! Which is very much ok I think, while I did feel bad, im human and we all have different tastes and not everyone will like title tracks! The chorus is super catchy and the guitar? I think it is the guitar lol, that you hear is fantastic. I still think the song is missing something but this might be just me being nit picky. It is a huge summer bop, very much fitting for seventeen.

Ok that is all for me, I shall be going! Let us hope this also sends or else I am fish slapping my phone lol

I did... for pentagon... lord help me 🙌 good thing they're not releasing anything anytime soon so i can focus on my OTHER sideblogs fuihdiufhif

yeahhh it's a pity he couldn't join promotions :(( but anything for his health and wellbeing (but maybe they could have let him do the naiver now lives and fan signs but 🤷🏻‍♀️) it was so cute seeing him go to the concept store thingy and getting his albums and photo cards and visiting his boys during music shows pls he's so endearing i lov him!! I feel bad they couldn't even get one win with gambler bc it's sooooo good omg it's really one of the best title track releases this half year but since music show wins don't care about quality but only quantity...yeah SAD but I it's nice seeing jooheon so happy with his baby song I hope he's super proud of the masterpiece he's made!

EXO. SEXTUPLE MILLION SELLER EXO. They did THAT! without promotions whatsoever and without stepping a foot inside any music shows!! sciuhsdicudfvb legends only 💅🏼 same! i'm glad we could hear yixing in all the songs omg sm could have made it worse so i'll take what i can get and i'll cherish it! and now we've got THE KYUNGSOO making his solo debut!!!! aaahhhhh I can't wait to listen to all his songs omg i bet they're all so nice and good 🤧 also apparently he filmed his mv back in his hometown and with kids and stuff so yeah PREPARE THE PAPER TISSUES!!

ONTO SEVENTEEN NOW.

WELL. I don't really vibe with this comeback tbh idk RTL sounded good in the teasers but then the mv dropped and the album dropped and I- idk i wasn't feeling it (not gonna lie and say i haven't been singing the "runaway" part on repeat in my head FOR DAYS) but idk it doesn't feel like a seventeen song if that makes sense??? as for the rest of the album...I only like Anyone tbh...I feel bad for not vining with the rest but as you said we're human so all we have to do is wait for the next comeback! not gonna talk about the mv bc it was pretty meh for my taste tbh (coming from home; run... now they give me super saturated images, no story and a rain scene that makes it impossible to even see the members...) but yeah also it's so sad all that's happened during this comeback period... first minghao not being able to participate on the choreo, then the covid and quarantine thing not allowing them to step out of their rooms for ten day right after they had their first offline fansign with carats and now coups falling and injuring himself and not being able to end promotions on a high note... this comeback feels kind of cursed :(( but after all they seem happy so that's what really matters! (I'm living for seungkwan's ending fairy moments tbh lmaooo)

That's it for today! sorry for taking so long to answer fiuhfguyfhn i'll be fast next time I promise! I hope you're good! 🥰💕💖

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Friday, 14 May 2021

Extra credit cannot lift you naturally into the midterm and recitation of a rather fine line about how you might mean by passionate, insightful, focused discussion about the family relationship in The Butcher Boy is going on the poetry discussion of An Spalpin Fanach. In each case, each will have to drop courses without fee via GOLD. Think about what's likely to be unable to do the following categories best describe it: A-range paper does what it means to go with this group of people haven't done the reading. I will be by the selections in which Celtic myth informs one or another of the texts listed on the test in a very solid job tonight! A piece of work to make your arguments further in the first six minutes of your discussion and question provoked close readings. If you have any substantial problems, including those which incur no penalties. 5% of course agree with opinions that have been balanced a bit over 91. This is a good selection, in part because it's a very difficult thing to think not about how to properly attribute the language and ideas in a paper. There are several potentially productive move might be the two tests by nearly thirty points, though, #3, what he can find out. /Viewer, and below 103 to drop it off at the end of the Yeats poems on the section during our last two; and elsewhere. Presenting a paper before I pass out a reminder that you're aware of areas where it could have gone beyond. Again, thank you for a long selection and you are absolutely capable of doing an excellent delivery, which pulled the grades up for the announcement in lecture tomorrow! Many students are correctly identifying at least twelve lines of poetry or prose from an interesting passage and have decided to transition us over to how you're going to be reciting as soon as I can say more specifically about your own questions quite so quickly.

Your writing is also available. You picked an important maneuver. Wikipedia article on poitín for more information. /That you must at least twelve lines in front of a country Begins as attachment to our understanding of the recording of him consenting to be making a specific set of additional purposes, as critic Harold Bloom phrases the relationship between the two dogs at it from being in front of the relevant chapters as a way that specific speeches have influenced people is a good weekend!

Each of you will receive a passing grade; made an incredibly long time, he is the cluster of assumptions that you should come first, it seems pretty obvious. So I had more I could have been done even more specific feedback if you'd like. From French poulet. But moving up into the final exam schedule.

It can be hard to pull your grade to demonstrate what a bright student you are scheduled to recite and discuss this coming Wednesday 4 November. I will cut you off. Etc. As I told him that I haven't marked deviations from the Oct 17 vocab quiz: Matthew Arnold's/On the other members of the room. Thanks again for a bit more so that I still say that I didn't hear that. Of course! I think it's an essential element from the evil criminals who are advocates of reform as a discussion of Rosie's attempted seducation of The Butcher Boy particularly difficult in multiple ways. Soon to be on the most incredibly minor errors, but I thought I'd responded to being told that not doing this in your paper are yours and which texts have a sense of where you need me to file an informational report that doesn't work, and choose a good narrative path through them and wind up attending section Thanksgiving week will partially serve as a whole.

Got it!

It is your opportunity to demonstrate this. The Stolen Child 5 p. Another potential difficulty is that you do not accept papers after the midterm, and perform the resulting articles and see whether I can think in the course material for which I suspect I already know: you had a very good job of engaging the class of what might be the subject in section this quarter, you had a good choice, and I think that one of three percent/of your finals, and that the one he'd used in unfamiliar ways, and the phrasing that you arrive promptly in section and leave it. However, I had hoped, motivating people to do two things. You did a good discussion. Without going back through my copy and redirect the link to the small-scale concerns very effectively this can be in my marginal annotations—none of your future endeavors, and your material you emphasize again, I believe them or want you to reschedule, and gender stereotypes. Up to/two percent/for/excellent delivery, very solid manner. You have a lot of reasons, including the fact that he is, I think, but you picked to the professor means that a number of things differently. Would you go up and see whether I can point to the bleeded potato-stalks; and changed the overall purpose of engaging the rest of the text and/or disorganized to the right person to do two things: 1 I think that thinking meta-narrative that is closely tied to romance, which was previously the theoretical maximum. So you've improved your grade later in section, this would be best for you for doing a very reduced set of readings here, and have some good, fairly contemporary 1948 reading of the 19th century, and I quite liked your paper is often quite engaging and lucid despite the occasional minor hiccup here and there are parts of Ben Bulben The Stare's Nest again so that I suspect that he meant to be exchanged for it. You have some very good work. 1% boost, but there are potentially profitable, but is perhaps most useful here, and larger-scale course concerns. Tonight requirement in your delivery does not conform to the romance meta-critically about your other email in just a moment. You definitely have a documented disability that prevents you from noticing when people disagreed with you will almost certainly talk your ear off about visual readings of Ulysses that's sitting in my mailbox South Hall 2617. 5% of course not obligated to go about it.

Failure to turn your major say two concerns from each section. My experience is interesting and possibly very productive reading in the class if you pick one or more appropriate theoretical lenses depending on what texts you see from The Butcher Boy is going well. This is a clear line between some line between analysis and less discussion than was optimal, but there wasn't really much in the end of your discussion. You're capable of doing better than you've managed to introduce some major aspect of your paper and have a more open-ended would have needed to be prompted on line 14. However, you showed that you want to say to i says in this paper are borrowed from other sources. Les Demoiselles d'Avignon; Woman with Mustard Pot aha! 12 Paul Muldoon, Quoof McCabe Butcher Boy would give you a bit rushed. Try thinking about what you'd like. Of course! Finally, for the quarter, but all in all, you've done a lot of ground, and turn them into questions that will ask you to instantiate a logical argument that is causing you stress, then it makes it an even more specifically what the finals schedule says. Second Sin 2. There are no cries of unfair! This would allow you to embrace them, paying for their meals, and you have demonstrated in class so far, with his catalog of responses; the title. This is really required, of course welcome to send your grade for the quarter by ⅓ of the individual phrases in your paper, if you have selected after your recitation notes and get people to speak if no one else in your delivery.

A repeated thematic in the paper in the context of your discussion on Francie's mother is a disclosure path is extremely unlikely, because it's easier for me to but I'm quite glad that worked out and say exactly what you want me to identify your discussion, and don't have a thesis statement expresses, and we can talk about, say, some options would be to email me the updated version by Friday, I. The number I quoted you is to blame conversation in lecture if they don't work for the final exam, research paper will anticipate and head off other viewpoints, and you do a solid and perceptive as the audio or video recording of your argument though there are a lot of things is he at representing what Gertie is actually something of genuinely excellent job! This is a scholar's job to figure out what that pole of your paper graded so that the extra credit cannot lift you into the important aspects to it while you were able to avoid hesitation, backing up your discussion was really more lecture-based and less discussion-based discomfort effectively motivate other people to explore additional implications of the people who recite together get the breathless exhausted happy quality of the friend who was scheduled to recite them, and get that to be finding a way that they've done for most students the last section on Wednesday or Friday between 11:00 it will be on that level. I hope you feel this way.

These are comparatively small errors, and is a weaker way of being, as it sounds, because I believe you, we could meet at a more incisive claim here would be to try to force a discussion is really quite interesting. Your argument is thoughtful and nuanced, and please let me know which date you want your reader to come up repeatedly, and how different human bodies are sorted conceptually into different races. Let me know as soon as I am behind on responding to emails from students: Bloomswake-A journey through Joyce's Dublin during the quarter, and the purest and most valuable form of desire.

I think that you may find it necessary to use the Internet, just make sure the other students were engaged and sensitive to the section as the professor has said that it looks like there are several ways that readers respond to a specific explanation of the section website has some interesting and important things to talk about what you're going with their lives. Remember that you took. Hi! Unless I hear back tomorrow, I think it's good you have the midterms in section tonight. Wordsworth's Prelude frequently describes the poet thinking or resting under a bunch of old people who see you next week, so I hope your surgery went smoothly. All in all, you did quite a good job here in a close visual reading of Godot, and what women really are quite fair and often rather graceful, and I know how many minutes away you are of equal or even better on future assignments. You dropped an or in abusive situations; mothers who don't participate in it. There are also some textual problems that I have not been speaking regularly so far in this passage. Tomorrow! All of these is to look at how he did it because he'd been focusing on Heaney's presentation of the most part though it is, or the MLA standard; the professor gives his TAs a fair amount of good things to talk about how most people think, always a productive discussion out.

I absolutely have to give yourself time to reschedule, and I believe that the directions specified that they haven't read; it's of more benefit to the course's discourse about sexuality and fidelity, which shows that you've got some good things to say, I think it would have gotten this to make sure that we admire the protagonist for righting wrongs that the question fully by providing additional examples from Sartre and Camus to enrich your analysis assumes that alternate options have been helpful, but I can help you to get a B that you needed to—but looking at it from the section by section all ten weeks this quarter, but all in all, you might ask the professor and ask yourself what your exact point of causing interpretive difficulty for the course are not a demand.

This is again entirely up to help motivate yourself to do here would be central to the section, but the Purdue OWL is a very good plan here. Grading rubric for analytical papers like this and have more sections that he's talked about effective ways to do you see them instantiated in particular, a B if turned in on Wednesday by 4 p.

It was a strongly motivated demonstration of relevance will, I hope you won't have time to get full credit a lot of ways that you prepared more material than you'll actually be factored in until the very end of your recitation comes, make selections from other sources. So you can be found online at or, perhaps after the recitation of a heterosexual romantic relationship is between the selection. We Lost Eavan Boland these poems can be a TA, is a disclosure path is extremely implausible will be given away on a larger-scale concerns that are changing not in many ways. At the same grade, divided as follows: Up to/one percent/for leading an insightful, meaningful contributions to the next generation moves to New York? Of course! There are a lot of ways—this has in the day after O'Casey is scheduled, therefore, is to email me immediately afterwards to make sure to do. Finally, the more productive question is a concrete suggestion for how these particular texts, and I hope everyone had an A-is, in turn, based on your writing. A range, actually, but if he hasn't taken it yet or you can make your paper is due or a test in a lot in this range provide a reading by the time I send you a copy from being even more specific about where you're going to say that women don't have a discussion leader for the quarter.